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Do THIS to keep your audience on the edge of their seats

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Sam put them to sleep within the first 10 minutes of his 40-minute presentation.  He’s not alone in being able to do this.

The problem with corporate presentations is they’re lifeless.  Audiences slowly drown in a sea of droning boring corporate “they all look alike” PowerPoint presentations.

They all start with, “Today I’m going to talk to you a little bit about…”

Then they unroll a slowly moving parade of too many uninspired slides endlessly connected by unimaginative transitions of, “Now on my next slide you’ll see…”

If this is you, you’re gradually putting them to sleep. Your audience slowly, but politely, disengages. Their minds start drifting and they start covertly multitasking, their attention desperately seeing something to keep them awake. 

If they possibly can, your audience will start interrupting you.  I coached a VP last week who told me that when his people present to executives they always hear, “Okay, let’s stop here, stop presenting for a moment, just let me ask you some questions ….” and the execs just take over and drive the presentation into a ditch (as far as the presenter is concerned).

Here’s the thing to know about audiences: they only stay with you as long as they are learning from you, and what they’re learning must be new and interesting. 

I know, I know. The problem is you don’t have exciting content to work with.  You have, well, corporate presentation material. And, let’s face it, nobody’s ever made an action movie out of a corporate presentation. I understand your challenge.

But just because your material may seem boring, it does not mean that you have to be.

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When you hate seeing yourself on video

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“I hate seeing myself on video!  That person I see up there is not at all the person I want to be!!!”

I hear this all the time when I show my clients their first video at the start of their workshop.  It’s torture.

To see that person up there on the screen and feel powerless because it’s not who you want to be, and not even that person you know you are.

This is the struggle.  And it’s an incredibly important breakthrough when you are able to watch a video of yourself and love seeing yourself. 

Most people are not there.  What, and who, they are being is stiff, uncomfortable, disconnected.  And very unnatural. And they hate when they see themselves being this way.

By the same token, people don’t want to look the way many people look after they’ve done “speaker training”, like a speaker on steroids, overly pumped up, overly polished, over-rehearsed and scripted, performing not communicating.  That too is unnatural.

The worst part for people watching their first video is they don’t know what’s wrong.  They know there’s something wonderful trapped inside them, but when they get up to speak, it stays trapped.  This disturbs your confidence.  It disturbs your power. It disturbs your ability to be understood.

Being in a senior executive level position doesn’t alleviate this discomfort.  As a matter fact, it makes it worse, because there’s more “pressure to perform.” Your presentations are more visible and more widely critiqued.  Many senior executives dream of being free of presentation anxiety.

I’ve just described 80% of the people I see giving corporate presentations.  It’s so common, it passes for “normal”. 

But most people KNOW they’re capable of MUCH more.  Even if not one of them knows what’s wrong or how to get there.

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My one-day communications "experiment"

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A man in Silicon Valley known to grit his teeth and multitask through everything shut his phone off a moment before the meeting started.  A woman on the East Coast relaxed, slowed down and took her time getting her ideas across. A usually distracted woman in Europe in yet another meeting was fully present, focused, giving 100% of her attention.  In India, a man who talks too fast, in a different meeting, took his time, spoke clearly and paused throughout to let his ideas fully resonate. They all paid attention when others were speaking and took time to reflect on what was said.

They were all in different meetings, but what they all had in common was their decision to participate, along with hundreds of others in their company.

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The secret to successful high-stakes communication

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Flashback to three years ago – Susan: “I don’t think it’s going to work.”

I was looking at a beautiful, strong and successful corporate attorney. Susan wasn’t being defiant. She genuinely didn’t think what I was teaching was going to work.

Susan faces tough negotiations.  No one backs down, no one gives an inch, they aggressively fight for every possible advantage.  They pounce at any hint of vulnerability.  Warmth is construed as weakness.

It’s a high-stakes game played with millions of dollars. It’s not an arena for taking risks lightly. It’s certainly not one where you would try something that you didn’t think was going to work just to see if your communications instructor was right about it.

What were we talking about? Acknowledgments.  Susan was my student in a communications class and I had just covered the power of acknowledgment.

The key to a really good acknowledgment is the listening that precedes it.

In difficult situations people’s minds are usually racing around too much to really hear what the other person is saying. They’re too busy disagreeing or trying to figure out what they’re going to say, manufacturing a winning rebuttal.

A really good acknowledgment starts with really good listening.  And real listening always includes being interested.  It always includes understanding.  By definition, it must.  Whether or not you agree.  And ESPECIALLY when you disagree.

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Your Presentation Mojo

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I’ve been delivering tons of virtual and in-person presentation skills workshops and coaching.  Extraordinary executives, brilliant engineers, top sales professionals, fascinating attorneys, individual contributors, early in career, the complete spectrum of corporate life.

They’re dynamic, charming, funny, warm, open, personable …. that is, until the workshop starts.

Then they each take turns giving their 1st presentation, before any coaching.

Suddenly life, personality and charisma drains out of them, they become very corporate.  Very businesslike, deadpan.   Dry data, cautiously stated conclusions, serious, matter-of-fact, completely restrained and inhibited self-expression.  Conservative. Suddenly it’s SERIOUS.

I remember a student I had a couple years ago who, when I asked her to tell me her goals for the workshop said, "I want to get my Mojo back. I used to have Mojo and somehow I lost it." Such a good goal!!!

When your Mojo’s working, you’re feeling GOOD.  And the audience can’t help but feel good too, and absolutely love you.

It has nothing to do with content.  Nothing at all to do with WHAT you’re talking about.

It has everything to do with YOU.

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How to negotiate anything

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Matthew: “I saw it work 40 times in a row.  It saved me endless hours.  I’ll never go back.”

Matthew negotiates contracts for a large general contracting construction company. I’ll give you an example of what that means. Matthew’s organization won a contract to build a very large, very beautiful, very modern new building for a prestigious university in California. It’s a big deal.

What Matthew’s organization does is hire all the people who are going to do the work:  the builders, the electricians, the plumbers, the landscape gardeners, everyone involved in construction. Matthew’s company oversees all of the work, and is held responsible for the ultimate success of the project.

Once they select all the people they’re going to hire to do the work, Matthew negotiates all the contracts with each of those individuals.

For this particular project, Matthew had to negotiate 40 contracts.

Negotiations are ferocious and ungiving, and there can be endless hours of wrangling spent over one clause.

After many hours of negotiating contracts, Matthew completed Causative Communication training a couple months ago.  He was thrilled by the difference in his negotiations after the class.

In the past, when the subcontractor would explain why he didn’t want to commit to a particular clause, Matthew wasn’t really listening to him. He had already heard it 30 other times. He already knew what they were going to say.  Matthew simply wasn’t interested in hearing it.  As a matter fact, he was slightly irritated having to listen to it over and over again.

But this time, Matthew changed. 

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Getting that something deep inside you to relax

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Last week, during an in-person workshop, Benjamin said:

“Something deep inside me is relaxing.”

And with that, everything about Benjamin was different.   

His face changed.  His tone changed. His posture changed. Everything spoken and unspoken about Benjamin changed. 

And that’s when Benjamin’s ability to create a real human connection surfaced.  Along with that appeared his ability to create deeply satisfying communication with anyone.  

The corporate world around him combined with happenings in his personal life had pressed Benjamin into an anxiety that never let go. An ever-present undercurrent of disquiet had spread to every muscle in his body and was most clearly seen in his tense face. 

But now, Benjamin radiated not only a calm, but a beautiful state of natural cheerfulness that was delightful to everyone around him.

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Stopping the world to listen

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 On my morning run this morning I ran into Margret, one of my neighbors, and I stopped to talk with her. There was something bothering Margret and I stopped to really listen.

As Margret talked, more and more frustration bubbled up.  I listened intently. My mind was still. The world stopped at that moment, and Margret filled it.

Margret spoke passionately of what had happened.  I could feel it all.  It was a rich experience to have someone else’s world fill mine.  I felt honored to receive it.

The tension gradually released from Margret’s face as she spoke.  Her eyes searched mine and found understanding.

She said it all, and then looked quite different.  She looked complete. 

I let Margret know I could really understand how she was feeling. Margret saw in my eyes that it was true.

There was an instant smile on Margret’s face. A BIG one. And it stayed.

Then, after a brief moment of silence, with both of us smiling, Margret said, “Thank you so much! I feel lighter.”

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How to disagree

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Laura:  "I would like to make a change in the process to improve it."

Me:  "We’ve always done it this way, it's been working fine. I don’t see why we need to change it now."

Laura:  "I understand." 

(Said coldly, with absolutely no understanding in tone of voice)

I was coaching Laura how to acknowledge others. As she practiced scenarios that were challenging for her, like the one above, her words were right, but her tone destroyed her acknowledgement. 

Your tone of voice is MUCH more important than your words.  Your tone of voice reflects what you're really thinking and you can't fake it. 

I asked Laura, "You said you understand.  DO you understand?"

Laura laughed and said, "No! I can't understand it!"

I said, "How come?"  Laura said, "I think what they’re saying is a really stupid reason."

I said, "Oh! You’re too busy disagreeing to understand!" 

Laura laughed and said, "Precisely!”

And this is what happens between people.  When they don’t agree, they withdraw their understanding.

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The power of one person listening

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Nothing changes a person faster than the way you listen to them.

One of my students, Carl, has a coworker named Marty. Marty is loud, stubborn, arrogant, and acts like he is the only one who knows the right way to do anything, whether he does or not.  Marty also says, “No” when you ask him for resources, time, help, anything.

Marty has managed to alienate just about everyone. He also talks a lot.  When he starts to talk, people leave.  If there's no escape, they endure Marty’s speeches, but always with a look of pain on their faces. 

No one has managed to get Marty to listen.  Every point they make about an issue triggers a counter-point from Marty that easily turns into an argument if they respond to it.

The problem is that Marty has influence and he can't be ignored.  People like Carl rely on him for resources and cooperation.  Marty's been there a long time, he’s knowledgeable, he’s just utterly unwilling to hear to anyone else's viewpoint. 

As Carl asked me for help, it was obvious to me that Marty was unable to receive ANY incoming communication from others – he rejected all of it.

I also knew that no one was listening to Marty. They already “knew” what he was saying was wrong, so they would shut him out the moment he started talking and not hear him. They didn't realize they were doing the exact same annoying thing to Marty that he was doing to them.

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Pulling a star down from the sky

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“Hi Ingrid,

Just wanted to let you know I’ve been promoted to VP, due in no small part to your coaching. I wanted to thank you. I’m looking forward to great things ahead.

Sincerely, Henry”

I got this email this week. It’s the email I love getting, when my clients reach for the stars in the sky and experience the powerful satisfaction of pulling one down.

I especially smiled big on this one. I remembered how it all started.

 Tom, an SVP, that I’m coaching, told me, “I have someone reporting to me that I want to send to you. I want to promote him to VP but let me tell you what’s happening.  Henry’s been with the company for over 20 years and deserves to be a VP.  He rubbed me the wrong way when I first met him, but then I saw what a good job he does. He’s really good at getting business results.  I talked to the Executive Vice President but he nixed Henry’s promotion to VP because of his communication skills – he spent 20 minutes talking about how terrible they are. Henry has no executive presence, he rubs a lot of people the wrong way, he thinks he knows everything, he’s smug, dismissive, he interrupts, he’s always rolling his eyes when others offer up their ideas.  He shows up for virtual meetings in shorts, tank top and bare feet.  He leans back in his chair when others are talking and looks totally disinterested and even disgusted.  It’s hard enough to become a VP in this company, but Henry really has the deck stacked against him.  I want you to help him if he’s willing.”

The first time I met Henry, he said, “I’m open to trying your coaching, but I gotta warn you - this is not going to be easy. I’ve had coaching before, and I hated it. They keep trying to change me and I’ve got to be me. I don’t know how you’re gonna do it. I am me and I don’t want to be anybody else and I’ve gone through life feeling like if they don’t like it, it’s their problem.” 

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Why "trendy terminology" destroys communication

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I was watching a video of a live presentation by Mark, the CEO of a major corporation with more than 40,000 employees.  Mark was visibly and painfully uncomfortable.  Worse yet, he was making a fool of himself.

Mark had heard about me and reached out with a request that I coach him on his presentation skills.  He had his Chief of Staff send me a couple of his recent videos to watch in advance “to see what he’s doing wrong”. 

Mark knew something was clearly wrong.  In our initial conversation, Mark told me, “The more feedback I get, the worse I’m getting.  I need someone to straighten this out for me.  I may not be the best public speaker in the world, but there’s no reason I need to be the worst.”

I started our first coaching session wanting to understand what was going on in his mind. I asked Mark, “What were you trying to do up there?”

Mark answered, “I’ve been given feedback that as a CEO I need to be vulnerable, and that I also need to be more passionate. That’s what I was trying to do.” 

I asked, “What does that mean?  Vulnerable and passionate?”

Mark looked at me, and with great pain in his eyes said, “I have no idea.”

Well, there you go.  Mark was trying really hard to execute something that was completely incomprehensible and confusing.

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A "thank you" to these rock stars of corporate America

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Executive:

“Regarding that conference in Miami next week, I changed my mind and decided to go after all.  I want to stay in that fabulous hotel everyone talks about.  I know I’m booking that hotel at the last minute and I know the hotel is completely sold out and has been for weeks, but I need you to get me a suite there with a king-sized bed, with an ocean view and make sure it’s far from the elevators and above the seventh floor.”

Executive Assistant (60 minutes later):

“You’re all booked.  Room 1050.  Refrigerator will be stocked with all your favorites. And I let them know you’ll be checking in late and to hold the room no matter what.”

My article today is a tribute to my heroes in the corporate world: Administrative Professionals, also known as Administrative Assistants and, at the higher levels, Executive Assistants.  It’s especially appropriate today, because today is Administrative Professionals Day.

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Activating your power to inspire

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Alan has been giving “All-Hands” presentations to the 1500 people that report to him. His organization has over 80,000 people. They’re currently getting hammered in the news. The company has been struggling, trying to recover from mistakes made by the then-CEO five years ago.  Unfortunately, they’ve just had to announce layoffs.  There’s a tremendous amount of re-organization and re-shuffling happening. Where people will land is up in the air.  The future of the organization is uncertain and morale is at an all-time low.

Alan’s group has been the only one that’s been inspired. Why are they inspired? In the midst of all this, there is one reason only:  Alan is inspiring them.

This wasn’t always the case.

When Alan came to me for coaching, his desperate “pep talks” had been falling flat.  Alan said, “If I don’t inspire them, I’ve lost them. I need them inspired, aligned, engaged, and enthusiastic. I know it’s impossible, but I need them to stop listening to the news, to tune out what’s happening in the rest of the organization and focus on what we need to be doing.  I haven’t been able to get them to see it, but I know we can make a difference.”

That’s a difficult assignment when the only conversation in the halls is the latest trash in the news, who got laid off, who’s afraid of getting laid off, how all the “good people” are leaving, the shattered trust in management and loss of faith in the vision.

Alan wanted to be MORE than just understood.  That wasn’t enough.  He wanted to inspire. Many people who come to me for coaching want that.

It’s an important ability for a leader to have, at any time.

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How to create transformation without having to speak

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“I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate our conversations. It’s an honor to work for you.”

This is what Ann told Patrick after their third conversation. It might seem like a natural thing to say to a very good manager. But let me fill you in on the actual context.

Patrick is a Vice President. Ann was a Senior Director reporting to him and she wasn’t cutting it.  Ann had been promoted prematurely, wasn’t qualified and was falling short on key projects.

Patrick would never have put Ann in her role, would never have promoted her to a senior level. Patrick had inherited Ann from previous VPs and others who continuously promoted Ann, despite the fact that her results were always sketchy at best.  She had never been held accountable.  Now it was Patrick’s problem as he took over as her new VP.

After his initial assessment, Patrick’s three conversations with Ann were intense. The first was when he told her he was demoting her from Senior Director to “Individual Contributor”.

“Individual Contributor” is a nice term that is used to mean no one reports to you.

Patrick told me, “I walked in to our first conversation prepared. I knew it was going to be a tough conversation and I walked in ready for it.”

It would have been very different even one month ago.  Patrick would have confronted Ann with the blunt facts of the situation, very directly, a very “no nonsense” approach, a very “deal with it and let’s move on” kind of attitude.  And Patrick would have gotten a very different reaction and a very different employee.

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The magic of trading in small problems for big problems

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Susan was sent to me by her boss. She is a very competent Senior Director and they want to prepare her to become a Vice President.

The Senior Vice President told me that what is holding Susan back is that, “She doesn’t have enough executive presence and she doesn’t come across like a leader. She is very confident in what she does, but she doesn’t have that leadership quality and that executive presence needed at the senior level.”

It turns out Susan was terrified of communication. Especially with her peers, the other Senior Directors, who intimidated her. Even worse with people higher up. When she faced an upcoming meeting, Susan was stressed solid the whole week leading up to it and did not sleep at all the night before.

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How to defuse arguments before they even begin

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It was a pleasant afternoon and I had a pleasant book….

I was sitting with an exquisite cup of white tea in a beautiful local tea shop. They serve delicious teas made from leaves growing on ancient trees, picked by hand in the Spring and then lovingly hand-processed on very small family farms in very remote regions of China. 

My environment was perfect.

At the table next to me sat a couple.

The man was in quite a pleasant mood. He was telling the woman about something that had happened that morning. He was enjoying talking with her and enjoying the telling. He finished and smiled at her.

The woman spoke: “Why didn’t you ask her? I would have thought that would have been the first thing you would have asked her.”

The woman’s question seemed polite, but her tone of voice had a slight edge, an unspoken quality of “I’m trying hard to be very polite, but I really don’t get how you could have done something so wrong.”

 I’m sure she was completely unaware of her tone. Most people are.

I picked up my book and pretended to read because I knew where this conversation was going. I didn’t even know what they were talking about, but I knew they were headed for a fight.

Can you see how the question itself makes him wrong?  I knew he was going to defend what he did.  In other words, he was going to get “defensive”.

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How to be the authority, even if the CEO is in the room

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Sam was about to enter the room to give his 3rd quarterly presentation to the Board of Directors of a $50 billion multinational corporation.

The presenter before him had 45 minutes and came in with 79 slides. No surprise, they ran over their time.  By the time Sam walked in they said, “Hurry up, come on in, we’re running late, let’s get started.”

Sam walked in thinking he’d find the same room he’d experienced in his two previous Board meeting presentations.  He was completely unprepared to find four times as many people in the room.

The person ushering Sam in was trying to move him to his seat very quickly. Sam started to ask a question, someone cut him off and said, “Let’s just get started, we’re running late.”

Sam felt off kilter, but started anyway, rushing, going a little too fast, talking too much, trying to get it all in, looking around, trying to find faces he knew to connect with in the crowd, feeling totally off.

A CEO of a major corporation, new on the Board, interrupted Sam and said, “I want to challenge one of the points you just made.” and asked Sam a somewhat hostile question.  Sam knew the answer, but he stumbled and was awkward. The CEO said, “That’s not a good enough answer, I need more specifics.”  Sam recovered somewhat and answered with more specifics. The CEO didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look satisfied either.

A week later Sam showed up for Executive Coaching with me and asked, “How should I have handled this? It was dreadful!”

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Your power to create deep human connection

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Sally: “I can’t!”

Kevin: “It’s really hard!”

Mark: “I feel totally uncomfortable doing it.”

Mary: “I’m afraid people are going to think I’m weird.”

Phillip: “I don’t want to make people uncomfortable.”

I’m only giving you five examples, but I have hundreds, and probably 30 from just this week alone.

What terrible thing have I asked these people to do?

Lately, I’ve been coaching a lot of executives, leaders and people in leadership development programs. These are competent, capable, strong, courageous professionals with proven track records.

And they struggle with this.

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The secret to creating an aura of success

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Kendra was giving a sales presentation to VIP prospects. She was explaining why her company would outperform the competition and why they were a better choice as a partner, even though they were newer and not as well-known. The message was powerful. She was saying things like, “We’re best at … We have the highest record of … No one can match our…”

Her words were well crafted and she was beautifully dressed. But her overall body language was unmistakably expressing a suppressed anxiety, a “I hope you believe me, I hope this works. Are you getting what I’m saying? Do you believe me?”  It was a bit tense, with a very slight nervousness.

The prospects were sitting there listening, no expressions on their faces. Kendra became progressively deflated as she went along, and then ended weakly with, “Well that about sums it up. Those are all of our strengths as a partner and we hope to do business with you.  Let me know if you have any questions.”

They chose the competitor.

When Kendra showed up for the Transforming Your Presentation Skills workshop, she explained to me that her company actually IS the best in the industry and why. It was clear she has a compelling story, and I mean really compelling.

Her delivery, on the other hand, inspired sympathy, not success.

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