Many people ask me what happens when TWO people who totally disagree, but who have BOTH learned Causative Communication skills, come together? In other words, when they each know how to make what they want happen, but both are super intent on achieving their own opposing or competing outcome? Wouldn’t that just cause a fight? Do they get stubborn and persistent? Does it go on forever? Does it stick in an unresolvable stalemate? Does it get ugly?
Let me answer that question with something that just happened.
When Rick came to the Causative Communication workshop, one of his prime motivations was a situation with someone he called “the difficult guy”. We’ll call this guy Philip.
Rick and Philip completely disagreed on important details of a big project. Up to this point, every single meeting turned into an argument. They never agreed on anything. They never came even slightly close to achieving the outcomes they wanted. All they managed to do was irritate each other.
During the Causative Communication workshop, as part of his practical assignment to apply what he was learning to real life situations, Rick decided to try what he’d learned in his next conversation with Philip. A real test.
First, Rick fully prepared his mindset well before the meeting. He decided to approach Philip with affinity. Rick looked for the things that he did like and admire about Philip, he looked until he started to feel genuine affinity and admiration for him. Rick also prepared himself to really listen and understand Philip’s point of view.
Rick decided to initiate a conversation about a previously unresolved topic, but this time he would strictly follow the full process of the Communication Formula and see what happened.
Rick wasn’t going to give an inch on what he wanted, he was just going to follow the specific process of the formula while they talked about it.
Rick went into his next meeting with Philip feeling that affinity for him and very quickly found himself absolutely amazed. It was obvious that Philip had taken Causative Communication too!
Philip was ALSO using the Communication Formula process! It was clear to Rick that Philip was applying the exact SAME principles!!!
Rick was stunned. He had never had Philip approach him with affinity before and it took him a LONG moment to recover.
He’d also never had Philip really listen to him the way he was listening now. He’d never felt that Philip had really understood him before.
Suddenly without even trying, like a rocket, Rick’s affinity for Philip shot up even higher, way high! And he immediately saw Philip’s affinity rise!
They continued talking. Rick and Philip never discussed or even mentioned the class. They just had a conversation about the opposing outcomes they each passionately wanted with BOTH of them applying all of the Causative Communication principles and the Communication Formula.
They expressed their thoughts very honestly, very directly and simply let what happened happen naturally.
So, what happened?
Rick came back to the class to tell us. He said that he and Philip reached an agreement that they were both HAPPY with – IN 15 MINUTES. They were both EXTREMELY cheerful about the agreement they had worked out AND it was the shortest meeting they’d EVER had.
In addition, their relationship had completely transformed. Their conversation was now filled with affinity and enjoyment, mutual respect, and understanding.
Rick was floored.
Philip too.
Rick was thrilled that the Communication Formula was so reliable. He called it “life-changing”.
This outcome is always surprising when someone sees it happen for the first time. I’ve seen it happen thousands of times, and know how reliable these principles are. But it always, always makes me extremely happy to hear about that new moment when someone sees it for themselves and they know they made it happen.
The Communication Formula contains more elements than the ones I’ve mentioned, I wanted to stress just a couple of them.
Being a Causative Communicator broadens the scope of what a TRULY successful outcome looks like. It’s no longer simply getting the project funded or gaining additional resources or getting someone to do something. That’s not enough.
Yes, you DO achieve your objective. But the real Causative Communication outcome is complete only when you get what you want ALONG WITH three ADDITONAL outcomes: great mutual understanding, warmth and good feeling between you, and a very good relationship.
That’s just one reason why two Causative Communicators coming together don’t fight. Fighting doesn’t ever approach those outcomes.
The biggest difference when you have two people operating with the exact same Causative Communication principles, and not just one person, is that you achieve all of these four outcomes so much FASTER.
Perhaps that’s why so many husbands and wives want their spouse to learn them. LOL!
Before Causative Communication, Rick and Philip were not able to achieve any outcome except an argument.
After Causative Communication, they achieved all of their desired outcomes and MORE, and they did it in only 15 minutes.
Just imagine what would happen if you could achieve outcomes that quickly?
Be the cause!