I have a client in my life who makes unreasonable requests. I know, you’re thinking, “You’re lucky it’s just one unreasonable person in your life!” Well, there are more, but this is about a particularly prickly one.
The requests are always over the top, and sometimes they're impossible. At a minimum, they're "make-your-team-bend-over-backwards-to-make-this-happen".
I was always caught off guard by his demanding and harsh attitude. I used to try to reason with him, but was always a little off balance. I never came out of the meeting feeling good. Afterward I was always thinking, "Oh, I should have said ....."
I think it was uncomfortable for him too.
I decided one day, "No more of that!" (I hate feeling like an idiot.) I realized I wasn't giving myself time to think through what he was asking. My immediate reaction was always, "You have got to be kidding!" and I never had time for a second thought before he was demanding an immediate answer.
So, I changed my operating basis. Next time it happened, I wasn't surprised. I went into the meeting thinking, "Let's see what he's got for me today!" prepared for the unexpected.
I also found things to like about him (affinity) before going into the meeting, so I was feeling quite friendly toward him from the outset. I really listened while he was speaking and focused on fully understanding what he was asking for and, especially, why.
I was very relaxed about listening and asking him questions to understand more. He relaxed too.
Then I gave him a very good, very sincere acknowledgement to let him know I really understood: "I really understand why this is important to you. I can see that ______. " and I went on to let him know I really understood. LOTS of acknowledgements, very relaxed and very true. I really did understand.
Both of us were feeling pretty good at this point. Rapport was high.
Then I said, "You know, this is really important. I'd like to give it some thought. And I'd like to also talk to my team about it, as they'll have good ideas." He looked surprised, but pleased. He said he thought that was, “great”. We agreed to meet again the following week.
It gave me time to really think it through, talk to my team, and work out a really GOOD response, one that would help him and that we also all felt very good about. I could never have done that right on the spot.
I came into my next meeting with him prepared and it went well.
I realized it's good to give myself the time I need to think things through to the point where I feel really good about my answer. And that has worked well ever since.
I’ve observed that people feel tremendous pressure to have an answer NOW. This time pressure can jam up your thinking.
Take the time you need to look at it so you feel GOOD about what you come up with. You probably don’t need a lot of time, just a little more than you have right in that meeting.
Always ask if you can continue the conversation. Don’t let it end at a point you’re not happy with. You’ll feel you’re losing control if you do that.
You can always make what you want happen. You may have to re-route your path, but give your powerful intelligence the space and time to do its magnificent job.
If you want to rapidly develop superior communication abilities so you’re able to smoothly navigate life’s complexities and create spectacular outcomes whenever you’re dealing with other people, I recommend mastering the most powerful communication skills in the world.
Be the cause!