Beyond Persuasion
Ingrid Gudenas
Managing 12 people in a heated debate

The meeting transformed from conflict into a collaboration.

Coaching, Public Speaking, Presentations
Ingrid Gudenas
The seven-figure presentation

Where are you supposed to look when you’re presenting?

Beyond Persuasion, Causative Communication
Ingrid Gudenas
For those of you who are parents

It’s not surprising to me that our clients start applying what they’re learning at home, because it helps them do just that.

Beyond Persuasion
Ingrid Gudenas
Becoming a trusted advisor to the C-Suite

This is a story about an Executive Assistant whose communication skills were better than the executives she supported.

Beyond Persuasion
Ingrid Gudenas
When a “nobody” can influence the CEO

The ability to cause willingness in others will unlock the door to any outcome you want to achieve. Without it, you’ll stare at the door that is locked to you for a long time.

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The VP Secret for preparing for critical conversations

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A well-loved and successful Vice President recently came to an in-person Causative Communications class we were delivering for their company to talk to the students about how she utilizes the skills she gained from our classes to create real success in her daily life and her career.

The students loved her talk. She was supposed to talk for about 20 minutes, but they were so enthralled it went on for about an hour and a half, with question after question, each followed by her giving them practical advice that inspired them. Their faces were glowing listening to her.

One question she was asked was, “How do you prepare for a challenging meeting or big presentation?” This was a particularly good question for her because she goes into many very difficult negotiations and conversations, as well as gives many important presentations. Her answer will surprise you … (read more)

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How to transform your audience without ever seeing them

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Tuesday was the first day of the Causative Communication course. Prasant had just learned about affinity and the difference it makes to communication. He learned that he actually needed to feel it if he wanted to be successful, and that finding something to like about the other person was the key to feeling it.

That sounded “great in theory”, but Prasant said it was “impossible” for him to find anything to like about Martin. However, Prasant knew only too well that what he was doing wasn’t working. He’d reached the point of being willing to try anything.

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Communication coaching from my father

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A number of years ago, my father called and told me he was going to be in San Francisco giving a talk. He said, “Let’s have dinner afterward!”  I was thrilled, and said I’d love to also see his talk. I’d never seen my father give a presentation. He was a trial attorney who won a lot of cases, including one in front of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. I knew he did a lot of public speaking, but I’d only ever seen him be a father.

Following signs in the hotel lobby leading to his talk, I walked into the glittering ballroom in the Mark Hopkins, a grand 5-star hotel high atop ritzy Nob Hill, and found my father speaking … to hundreds of attorneys who packed the room to listen to him.

What?????? This was my father??????

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The most important skill of a real leader

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What’s different about a real leader?

A real leader inspires and impels spirit, purpose and action. More importantly, they transform.

The only tool they have is communication.

They may have vision, wisdom, strategy, experience, knowledge and a love of humankind. But it is their communication that defines them.

A great communicator surpasses all others.

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The man who got two standing ovations before he was done speaking

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Philip said, “I’m already getting standing ovations when I speak at conferences. Not sure what you could teach me that would make me better.”

He wasn’t challenging. Just matter of fact.

I asked, “Are you getting them at the end of your presentation?”

He said, “Of course!”

I asked, “Do you also get any standing ovations during your presentations?”

Philip looked puzzled, “No.”

Pause. “Is that possible?”

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What to do when the audience turns their cameras off

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It was a virtual meeting. Most people think the word “virtual” means “Far away; using technology” and definitely “not as good as in person.” (I hear this all the time.)

However, if you look up the word “virtual” in a good dictionary, you’ll see that it means “Creating the power of real without actually being real”. I want to let that sink in.

In other words, virtual reality is different than actual reality, BUT when it is done well it has the power of actual reality. In other words, it creates a new reality.

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The most effective presentation strategy ever

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When people in the audience come to you afterward and tell you, “You really helped me!”, they’re saying that you are valuable to them.

Being valuable will do more for your career than anything else. It’s measured by how much you help. Think about the most valuable people in your career. They’re not the ones who dazzle you. They’re the ones who help you.

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What it takes to own the room

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Someone asked me what makes my coaching different. I’m going to talk about one thing I do, and one thing that all of our incredible ETS Coaches do, that makes it extraordinary. My purpose in telling you is perhaps knowing what I focus on will help you focus on this too as you go to your next meetings and give your next presentations.

Many communication coaches and programs coach the visible: the hand gestures, the voice inflection, emphasis on certain words, body language, the slides, the smile. The visible, physical mechanics.

I coach the invisible. The invisible is manifested, and others can see it, but what I coach is not visible.

I coach: Being there, presence, affinity, attention, awareness, interest, intention, creating understanding, command, dignity.

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Too many words. Not enough meaning

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“We don’t need a reorganization.”

That simple sentence changed the fate of hundreds of people.

Bill came to me for coaching, but not with high hopes. His first words were, “I’m interested in anything you have to teach me, but I want you to know that I’m realistic and I know that there are many situations where communication doesn’t work.”

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What to do when everything gets turned upside down...

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I’ve handled many difficult situations. Many difficult conversations. And I’ve spent my life helping others do the same.

I’ve seen people turn their losses around rapidly. I’ve also seen people who take a long time to recover.

The fastest, simplest and most effective way to turn around a bad situation, a bad conversation, or a bad relationship is this.

First, face the situation as it is. Don’t get drawn into “How it should have been”.

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Gaining the trust of the C-Suite

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If someone is being difficult and you can walk away and not deal with them, I'm all for it.  If you can go around them, or above them or go somewhere else, why waste your energy dealing with a difficult person if you don’t have to?

But there are times you can't choose to end that relationship, even though you may be able to walk away for a couple hours.

Sometimes you have a difficult boss, but no other job.  Until you find another job, you can't afford to walk.  Sometimes it’s immediate family that you can’t leave.  What do you do then?

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How to make other people’s faces light up when they see you

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This article is about how to make other people’s faces light up when they see you. 

At my farmer’s market on Sunday, the farmer where I buy broccoli every week, a man who is normally sullen and glum, lit up and started grinning when he saw me walking toward his vegetable stand.

Why did he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life.

The staff of a senior executive in a major corporation complain he never makes time to meet with them. After my first meeting with him, he told me to always stop by his office to talk when I’m in the building. His face lights up when he sees me and he always makes time. He gives me his full attention. Our impromptu meetings often stretch to 30 or even 45 minutes.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life. 

A Vice President known for never answering his emails always answers mine within hours.

Why does he do that? Because spectacular communication is rare in his life. 

I haven’t even begun to tell you the results my clients get. Every day I get emails from our students about what happens when they apply the Communication Formula. They get equally spectacular results.

Real communication leaves you and the other person feeling really good.  

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How to have the audience see the best in you

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I’ve worked with professionals and executives of large corporations for over 30 years. They are used to feeling tense.  It’s become normal. Feeling completely comfortable is not normal. Being relaxed is not.

That’s how being slightly tense, or even very tense, becomes habitual. And they’re surrounded  by others who are also slightly or very tense. So they’re swimming in a sea of uninspected “normal”.

Communicating with a “Lioness”

One of the foundational, skills students gain in the Causative Communication course is the ability to BE THERE COMFORTABLY. This sounds insignificant to the untrained ear. Yet, without this ability as a base, no other communication skills function.

This is illustrated by an email I received from one of our students, Mariela. Mariela has a “Lioness” boss who crushes the spirit and destroys the self-esteem of all.

Mariela emailed me this after the course:

The secret for how to get promoted more easily, more often

Sometimes my students write the best articles. I think you'll be inspired by this success story.

I've worked with MANY people who wanted to get promoted. They have tremendous technical expertise and many other abilities and fine qualities. The key differentiator that always ensures true recognition and significant success for them is gaining the ability to communicate at the high level of skilled communication that their lives require.

One gentleman, whose name is Krishna, perfectly illustrates this.

The most direct communication there is

What happens between childhood and adulthood that makes adults so uncomfortable and tense about looking into each other’s eyes?

This is a question I ask myself often. In our Causative Communication Live! Workshop, I help the grown ups restore their lost ability to really LOOK at another person. And I always wonder how we let ourselves get so mixed up with so many confusing ideas about it.

Independence and the secret to being causative

Worrying about what others are going to think, fear of their reaction, being excessively careful not to ruffle feathers … All of these cripple communication.

I can't tell you how many times clients come to me and say, “I just have to put up with it for now because I don’t want to shake things up right now. I’m just going to let it go for now.” And they suppress their own communication and chance for success. “For now” turns into a very long time.

If you need everyone to agree before you stand up to speak, you’ll never make anything happen.

Becoming more attractive

Most people don't know how to truly connect with others as themselves. There's always something holding them back, some self-consciousness, a feeling something is “missing”, or something they put between themselves and others to protect them.

Often this is manifested when you see presenters trying to connect with their audience through their PowerPoint slides. You can see the trouble they would have if you took the slides away from them. They’d feel exposed, vulnerable, unsure.

Whether it’s slides, a beautiful body, or some attitude a person assumes because they think it makes them impressive, it doesn’t make any difference. The REAL skill is connecting directly as yourself.

How to transform a meeting

Ayansh felt powerless. His promotion had put him in an extremely contentious engineering team. They didn’t discuss each other’s ideas, they shredded and destroyed them. No one listened. They were all sneering. Each one showing off how brilliant they could be, and the way to do that was to see the others go down in flames.

They were brilliant. But it was all being wasted.

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