A large number of the people we have in our programs are parents. They often bring up situations with their children. One theme they seem to have in common is wanting to teach their children responsibility, to teach them to have good judgment and to make good choices. Especially when they’re teenagers.
So, it’s not surprising to me that our clients start applying what they’re learning at home, because it helps them do just that. And this happens especially with the program Beyond Persuasion: The new route to extraordinary outcomes. This program takes the effort out of persuasion.
One of the things you learn in Beyond Persuasion is not only how dependent we are on the decisions and choices of others in our lives, but you learn how to achieve the result you want while allowing others to fully preserve their power of decision and choice.
It takes skill to teach judgment with these parameters.
One of our recent graduates, a successful Product and Solutions Marketing Executive in a large high-tech corporation, told a story that illustrates this so well. I’d like to share it with you. Successfully teaching your child the full concept of responsibility is a big win for any parent. Here is his story, in his words:
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“There is one story that I wanted to share with you today. The reality is that when you start doing the Beyond Persuasion application exercises in your life, it becomes really life changing.
Recently I was having a conversation with my son. He wanted to skip school. Which seems like a normal thing for a teenager. And he was presenting his case on why he should skip school. His mom was against it. She was saying, “No, you should go, because it’s your responsibility.” She told him it was his responsibility a number of times.
I was just there watching and listening. He was getting upset and desperate, and there was frustration in the room. At some point she told him, “That’s fine, I think you should go, but go ask your dad.”
So he asked me. I didn’t do what he expected. I said, “So your mom has been telling you that it’s your responsibility, and I also believe that it’s your responsibility.” At that moment he immediately rolled his eyes. His body language was like, “Here it comes.”
Then I asked him, “Do you really know what responsibility is? Because we are telling you that it’s your responsibility to go, so what do you think responsibility means?” He said, “Well you’re basically telling me that I have to go to school. Because otherwise I will skip and have an absence.”
I asked him, “My question is, what does ‘responsibility’ mean to you? What does the word actually mean?” This is one of the things I learned on Beyond Persuasion. Words have a lot of meaning. There are many important elements to each word.
Using a process that I learned on Beyond Persuasion, I didn’t try to persuade him. I started talking about responsibility in a way that he would gain full conceptual understanding of all the elements. It was not persuasion. I only talked about the meaning of the word. It was pure enlightenment about what the word means.
As I did this, he started to acknowledge me, and he started to completely lower his defenses. His face and body language completely changed. He changed. At the end he was smiling and said, “Well Dad, honestly, I think I am responsible because I do some of those things. But now you are going to tell me that I have to go to school, right?”
I said, “No, it’s your decision. You decide. I already told you that you have to be responsible. And I already explained to you what ‘responsible’ means. So you make the decision.” He was almost speechless that I was letting him decide. He stepped back and was reflecting.
After a while he said, “Well I understand now what ‘responsible’ means.” And he made a very reasoned, responsible decision, and announced his sincere commitment to be responsible about school. It was a very powerful moment.
That was a very interesting situation where you have frustration, confusion, a lot of things happening at the same time, and people getting upset. And people using words that we typically hear.
But then when you really take a step back and try to understand what everyone is saying and just ask a simple question, alright, we are all saying that we have to be responsible. What does that mean?
The Beyond Persuasion process creates extraordinary results in these situations.
And when you go through the Beyond Persuasion process, even my wife at the end was surprised and agreed that it was a great way to handle the conversation. At the end, we were all happy. It was a nice situation where I was able to apply what I had learned. I could see the reaction. I was able to transform something that was escalating into arguments.
It was a learning experience for us. And I think this program is fabulous!”
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When you teach a child responsibility this way, you’re not forcing it. You’re awakening it. Unlike a parent who takes a child’s power of choice away, you’re strengthening it. And when you can create that kind of responsible judgment powered by willingness, whether at work or at home, you’re going beyond persuasion. You’re building character.
And that’s the real win. He understood what it means to choose well. That lesson will stay with him forever.
Be the cause!
PS What you learn in this program works as well with adults and at work, as it does at home. Although I have to say, all the execs and professionals who are parents tell me the wins in their personal lives, with the people they love, were especially meaningful for them.