“Um’s” are what’s known as “filler words” during a presentation. They’re unnecessary and distracting. As in, “What we learned was important because … um …. what customers were saying was that … um… they wanted faster service.”

She turned to me and said, “Can you help him with the ‘um’s’?”

I told her yes, but not to worry about it right now. She trusted me and nodded.

I coached him on other things and within an hour they had disappeared.

Victoria’s fate for the next five years hung on what happened in the next 90 seconds.

Those 90 seconds would shape her future for the next five years, the future of her team, the future of the organization and very possibly the future of the industry.

Victoria wasn’t nervous. She was calmly enthusiastic. This is what mastery looks like.

Victoria’s coaching sessions had prepared her. Good coaching does that. It builds your confidence and makes you fearless. Real confidence is built on solid, consistent demonstrations of competence.

It was Valerie’s first Executive Coaching session of the new year and she was spiritless. She found out the CEO had decided to bypass her for the promotion from VP to Senior VP that she had been counting on. They wanted to bring in someone “fresh and with more experience” from the outside to be her new boss. Ugh!

Valerie got the bad news and then went out on the end of year holiday. It didn’t improve her mood.

“What’s going on?”  I asked her.

“It’s hard. It’s hard to come back. It’s hard to look forward to this new year with any optimism. I feel like I’m not being valued. My enthusiasm for what I’m doing is completely drained.”

What was really drained was her ability to communicate effectively. If you look at the above definition of causative, it’s the ability to make what you want happen. And the ONLY way to do that is through the way you communicate.

The only way to persuade is to communicate persuasively. The only way to convince is to communicate convincingly. The only way to shape reality with others is through your communication.

Anita and Kevin made everyone in the meeting uncomfortable. Their disputes were legendary.  As the heads of different departments, they stubbornly fought for what they believed were conflicting priorities. They argued even the smallest points. Neither one would give in an inch.

Attending a meeting with them was torture.

Anita’s boss finally told her it was affecting her career. Although she was a top performer, her confrontational approach was forever going to stop her from getting promoted to Senior Director and then VP, her passionate objective.

It didn’t matter how “right” Anita was, or the fact that she “won” every argument and was ultimately proven right, people flinched when she was in the room.

Anita couldn’t believe they wouldn’t promote her!  “How can they justify holding me back when my performance is outstanding?!!!!  I’m only doing what they told me to get done!!!!”

That’s how Anita found herself in front of me.  A strong, smart woman in a super dilemma. What should she do when she was right, the other person was wrong and they wouldn’t back down?