Burt’s handsome face was beaming at me. “My wife is so happy!” Big smile. “She is so HAPPY!”
He said it one more time. Each time, his smile widened. As did mine.
I sat back and waited to hear. He simply said, “Acknowledgements.”
I waited and he said, “I’ve been acknowledging her.”
That was it. Burt had discovered a profound truth. A perfect acknowledgment makes people happy.
You’d think it would have to be something dramatic. It isn’t. If you are a great communicator, it’s part of every conversation. A perfect acknowledgment simply tells the other person you received what they said, and understood.
A perfect acknowledgment comes from genuine understanding, and that comes from listening. If it doesn’t come from there, it won’t sound right. If you don’t really listen – and I mean really listen – you don’t really understand (even if you think you do). This means you have to put your soul into listening closely.
A magic is reflected in their face when you dedicate yourself to listening this closely. The magic is doubled when you acknowledge them.
After you listen and really understand, an acknowledgment could be a very simple, “I really understand.” Or, “No kidding, that sounds terrible.” Or, “I can totally see why that was important.”
A perfect acknowledgement is not fancy. It’s sincere. It’s most definitely NOT just repeating back what you heard (no idea where that crazy idea came from, but it’s annoying).
In the course of a conversation, going back-and-forth, a person might say 20 things to you. For perfect communication, you would let them know you understood every single one before you responded: 20 acknowledgments. I don’t even know how many you will have throughout the day. A whole lot.
What happens when you do that? When you do it every time? People get happy. Really happy. And if you’re really, really good, they get really, really happy.
Burt had decided to do it in every conversation. He continued, “I’ve been acknowledging everyone! My neighbors, everywhere I go, everyone I talk to. Everyone in my family. It makes everyone happy! And it even feels like the whole tone of my family and my whole neighborhood has changed. Significantly. Everyone is happier.”
I was looking at a very, very , very happy man. And I couldn’t have been happier.
Having the power of making everyone around you happy is extraordinary. It makes YOU happy too! Crazy how it does that, but it does!
I remember once many years ago, my beautiful trial attorney and extraordinary writer sister wrote me a beautiful card. In it she wrote, “Ingryte (my name in Lithuanian), you have an extraordinary ability to make everyone around you happy. I can’t think of anything more valuable than that. “
It’s not a personality trait. It’s an ability. I learned it, and so can you. I choose to use it in every conversation because, well, because happiness feels so incredibly good.
Be the cause!