The members of the senior leadership team of a large Silicon Valley company were good people, they were just adversarial. They critically and loudly challenged facts and ideas. The weekly confrontations were unpleasant and rarely ended well.
The General Manager had a tendency to become overbearing and repeat himself to the point where the team completely tuned him out.
They were the kind of meetings that left you feeling bad for a couple of hours after.
Two of the nine on the team attended a Causative Communication workshop. Neither one was particularly liked or respected. What they did have going for them was an eagerness to create change.
In the next senior leadership meeting after the training, they both did something they’d never done before, that no one on the team had ever done before.
When anyone finished speaking, they made a point of acknowledging them.
This doesn’t mean that they agreed or validated what the person had just said. What they did was they tuned in and listened well enough that they really heard what the person said, and then they looked them in the eye and let them know that they really understood their point of view and where they were coming from.
These weren’t statements like, “You’re right”. They were more like, “I really understand what you’re saying.”
They were sincere and strong acknowledgments. These acknowledgments were not tossed off, nor were they robotic. They were genuine. They were true. They were filled with intention.
The especially passionate General Manager received especially passionate acknowledgments. Everyone was well acknowledged after they spoke.
Two people did this in a group with seven more who did not. At least at first. As the meeting progressed, more of them started acknowledging each other. It simply happened naturally, organically.
It was a two-hour meeting. It was the first meeting in their history where there was no yelling. Where the General Manager was sweet-tempered and only said things once. Where they all walked away feeling good.
I saw the two right after that meeting. You could have lit up the city of San Francisco with the radiance of their faces. This happened the first day after their training and they knew they had made company history. Even better, they knew they had the whole rest of their lives ahead of them where they could walk into any situation and transform it, walk into any conflict and make it evaporate.
It’s startling to think that the very simple skill of being able to deliver perfect acknowledgements can make such a powerful difference. That it can transform a complex adversarial situation into a good conversation and cooperation.
How long does it take to change a corporate culture? Apparently two hours if you have the skills to do so.
You can try this yourself. Next time you’re either in the middle of or a witness to conflict, give the person your best acknowledgments, let the people around you know you really understand what they’re saying and see what happens. I’d love to hear about it.
You have the power to transform the world around you to help it be more in harmony. Use that power and you’ll be amazed at what can happen.
Be the cause!