Their faces changed. Their beauty draws you in. The look in their eyes compels you to pay attention.
I was coaching a small group of women for a “Women in Leadership” program in a high-profile energy company. One of them raised a difficulty about working from home and how much she disliked communicating virtually, how much better it was to be in person, and how you lose the essence of a human connection when you’re looking at a computer screen. She felt she wasn’t communicating as effectively through this technological medium. The experience caused her stress she didn’t experience in person. Others in the group agreed, they felt the same way.
And then I had them make one change that created a complete transformation.
I was with another Lead Instructor when this happened. We all had our cameras on, so you could see seven of us on the computer screen. On the surface we looked like seven squares with seven faces.
I said:
“Look at your computer screen. Slowly look at each person and really SEE the whole person who is there. They look like they’re just a square on your screen. The actuality is that there is a whole person there. SEE the whole person. Look at each one of us, one at a time, and really SEE each of us.”
They all gently leaned in and studied each one of us. As they did, their faces changed. Their faces softened. There was a warmth in their eyes and their eyes soon were smiling. Just the eyes, but definitely smiling. A small little smile, then a warm smile, than a real warm smile. All extraordinarily natural. As their faces softened and their eyes smiled, an extraordinary beauty in each of them unfolded.
They had met a number of times, but they were seeing each other for the first time.
I let the moment continue in silence as they studied each other carefully and fully absorbed the whole person they were seeing, one at a time. They let the moment fully develop. And then it felt complete. You could feel it. The whole feeling in the group had changed. All without a word.
One of them said, “I suddenly feel so relaxed. Is that normal?”
I said, “Yes.” They all nodded. They all felt this way. They absorbed it. It’s a profound feeling to be so relaxed and so aware.
Another said, “I’ve never seen the whole person who is there. I’ve only seen squares with faces.” The others nodded in a “Me too.”
No more. Never again.
They had changed. And everything about their communication changed along with it. They create a whole different feeling when they speak now. They’re talking to the whole human being, whether you can see them or not, even if they have their camera off. When their camera is off, you have to see this person with your mind’s eye, you have to know that, even though you can’t see them, there’s a whole person there. You can’t talk to a face in a square. You have to talk to the whole person.
I coached them one at a time on how to communicate with intention, a skill that makes a truly great communicator and is a necessity for a strong leader.
When you combine an extraordinary human connection and an extraordinary beauty with the ability to get your ideas across to others with intention, you have someone who is irresistible. You have a leader who will be loved. And this is what I saw in each of them.
Everyone is capable of this transformation. It is something that is completely under your control to achieve. Do you want to be irresistible? Do you want to be a great communicator, a strong leader, even if you’re only looking at black squares on a computer screen?
Now you know the secret. It’s not about changing them, it’s about changing the way you see them in a virtual world.
Be the cause!