If you look at the list of skills that make a hero, the ability to be in the moment is at the top.
Watch this little video of a hero and you’ll see what I mean.
When Dillon Reeves was asked how he knew exactly what to do to stop the bus to avert a catastrophe, it turns out he’s been carefully watching his father drive for years. His father said, “He’s always been very attentive to his environment.”
This extraordinary boy stands out. In a distracted world, he is awake, alert, aware.
Awareness is king.
The problem people have, when they’re not aware, is they don’t know what they’re not aware of. The other children in the bus had no idea they were missing anything.
And that’s the problem when someone is not in the moment. Because they are not aware, they don’t KNOW. They can go through life never finding out. And so, life and other people can look quite mysterious to them.
Much of my coaching raises awareness, it gets people to see. The way I do that is by getting people to look. Especially to look at the people around them.
At first they ask a lot of questions about whether or not it really is okay to look at other people. They are truly quite confused about this.
None of them remembers how intently they looked at people when they were very young children. Penetratingly. That’s why children see everything.
Then before they grow up very much, someone tells them not to stare. Looking becomes mis-defined as staring. Staring is not polite, so of course, they stop looking. Eventually, children lose this ability to look, and they see less. Then they’re told to sit still and look fixedly at teachers for hours and hours, and looking becomes painful.
By the time they become adults, they don’t look and there is much they don’t see. They no longer know how to “read” other people. They don’t know what the other person’s thinking. They don’t know why the other person is acting the way they do. And they can be very surprised when something bad happens. They weren’t able to predict it because they didn’t see it unfolding in the other person. It suddenly overwhelms them “out of nowhere”.
I have many people I coach ask me, “Are you reading my mind? How did you know I was thinking that? How did you know I feel that way? How did you know that’s exactly what I was thinking?!“
I can tell you how. It’s simple.
I look. It’s the only way to see. I notice. I often see what no one else sees simply because they’re not looking.
I’m not afraid to look. I know it’s required for real communication, for understanding, for good relationships. It’s required for competence. It’s required for heroes.
My look is always friendly. In really seeing them, I also see the best in another person, I notice things I like about them, and I think that shows in my eyes and my face. So people never seem to mind.
My students find the same thing when they regain the ability to look at others. Others enjoy having you interested in them when they see you are a friend.
One of my students was practicing this at home, looking at his wife, with affinity, and she was completely thrown off by the sudden change in him. She asked him, “Why are you being so warm? Is something wrong? Are you canceling our vacation? What’s wrong?” However, in less than one day she grew to quite love his attention.
Another executive had his children ask him, “Daddy, why are you paying attention to us?” He had put his cell phone down and started looking at his family.
Both of them are now enjoying being with their families in a way they didn’t even know was possible. It brings tears to my eyes.
Students often tell me it’s a brand-new world.
Whatever you are looking at is what you are aware of. That’s why what you’re looking at becomes important. Whether it’s your phone, the past, worries about the future, all the things you have to get done, or the people and the world around you in the here and now.
What does your awareness have to do with your productivity? What does it have to do with your success, your career, your ability to achieve your goals, your relationships, your joy? Everything.
Tens of thousands of people have come back and told me this.
Looking is an easy skill to master. Start by working on noticing. Spend a day noticing as much as you can. Not by thinking or evaluating, but simply by looking right at the world and the people around you.
You’re talking to someone? Notice as many things as you can about the person. You’re in a meeting? Notice things about the other people. Spend the day noticing.
If you don’t like what you see, fix it. But don’t go through life not seeing it.
Being in the moment is not just for emergencies, when bus drivers are having heart attacks. And it’s certainly not just for heroes.
The moment holds all of the information you need to navigate your way to extraordinary outcomes in every area of your life. It’s all there just waiting for those with eyes to look.
Be the cause!