Demanding better and making it happen

Last week, Mark came out of his virtual meetings feeling drained. This week he’s leaving each meeting exhilarated.

For the past several months, a new management team struggled with (in their words) lack of trust and suspicion. This week, they’re filled with great affinity for each other and are finding great pleasure in working together.

Last week, Andy and his wife were getting on each other’s nerves after being confined to their house for so long. This week, they’re enjoying being together and having the best conversations ever, so happy they found each other again.

Last week, Lisa, a millennial, felt disrespected and dismissed by the people she worked with, and resented them deeply for it. This week, they’re coming to her for her opinions and she loves them all.

What happened to these people?

A transformation happened. A transformation facilitated by an increase in their abilities.

It all happened with only TWO steps.   Here’s how to take them:

• Step 1 (the only step that starts you down this road):   Your decision that existing reality is not as good as you demand it to be in order for you to be happy.

• Step 2:  Learning.  The only way of gaining the ability to transform existing reality into that dream within you that will make you happy.

It’s easy to move furniture around to change a scene. But we live in a world of people. And transforming our lives ultimately means transforming these relationships.  People aren’t furniture.  They don’t like being moved around.  They talk back.  And they refuse to move.

That’s why the most important ability is communication. The ability to be fully understood and to respond to what comes back to you in a way that creates a shift in reality.

Create enough shifts, and you’ve changed your life.

How long does it take?  One conversation, if you’re good at it.

I’ve seen too many people learn to live with dissatisfaction and explain it away as a necessary part of life. I don’t know how many times people have said to me, “You can’t always be happy.”

Yes you can.

The one psychologist I ever went to see in my life during my first (and last) visit said, “The problem with you, Ingrid, is that you expect to be happy ALL the time.”

I thought to myself, “Absolutely! Isn’t that what this is all about?”

And I decided if he thought that was a problem, I could help him a whole lot more than he could help me. He wasn’t asking me for help, so I chit-chatted with him a bit and left with a warm and friendly (but final) goodbye.

I am pretty much happy all the time.  Do you know why? Because I spent my life learning how to communicate and I can do it.  Because gaining this key ability makes you causative.  Because being happy is what being causative does.

I very much want others (you) to be happy all the time too.  All the time.   And what makes me happiest is teaching and seeing people (you) increase their communication abilities, feel better about themselves and about the world.

Nothing helped me become causative more than the skills I now teach to others.  These abilities enable me to navigate the trickiest, the most complex and challenging conversations (and people) to create outstanding relationships and outcomes worth celebration.  Every day.

Just like the students I wrote about at the start of this article.  They’re happy.  And they’ll be happy tomorrow.

Keep increasing your abilities. There is no ceiling to stop their growth. The more you have, the happier you will be. Take those two steps.  Decide.  Learn.  Be nice to the people who tell you that you can’t be happy all the time, do the work and go ahead and be really happy anyway.

If you want someone to get you to that goal fast, then acquire the abilities I help you develop in Building a Foundation for Causative Communications and let’s get going.

Be the cause!

Ingrid

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“Passionate” speaking and other signs you’re a communication novice

The Executive VP of a large Silicon Valley organization has asked me to coach his VPs on their virtual presentation skills.

Their global “All Hands” presentations are now critical.

The current situation has gone on too long with no end in sight.  Employees are getting restless, morale is starting to sag.

The words of inspiration that worked in the beginning are falling flat. There’s nothing to look forward to.  Their weeks have turned into drudgery, tinged with suppressed despair.

The VPs can’t keep promising the same old things.  No one believes it. No matter how you paint it, tomorrow doesn’t look any different than today.

Everyone’s working longer hours, relentlessly tied to their computer screens, coping with the home scene, surrounded by mountains of work.  The future just looks like more of the same.

No breakthrough in sight.

With that as a background, yesterday I coached Martin, a VP who, in addition to everything happening above, is one of the world’s most monotonous presenters.

His “All Hands” presentations are 45 minutes of unendingly dry monotone followed by 15 minutes of uninspired Q&A…all delivered virtually to a global audience.

Martin hates being virtual.  His exact words were, “I hate talking to a camera.”

And that’s how he comes across. Like he is talking to a piece of furniture.

Even as I was listening to the first video Martin sent me so I could make an assessment of his skills, by the time I got to the end, I couldn’t remember what he’d said.

Martin was so tuned out to his presentation, there was no way I could tune in.

That was two months ago. Since then, I’ve been coaching him two hours a week.

Martin’s had many coaches before me. They all told him to be more dynamic. They all told him he needs to smile. He kept trying to tell them, “That’s not me.” They wouldn’t listen, they kept pushing him. Martin decided he really didn’t like coaches. He was prepared to dislike me.

My first order of business was to tiptoe around the mine field called, “It’s not me.”   I agree with Martin that being yourself is sacred.  No matter what, it’s VERY important always that you are YOU.  

I wanted Martin to become even MORE himself because, for all of us, that’s where our real power lies.

I’m very good at drawing a map “from here to there”. I can accurately assess where a person is and help them navigate the route to the charisma buried inside them. I help them cross that bridge to find their gold.

Once I have that map (and for each person it’s different), I’m extremely systematic in my coaching. I don’t make the mistake that many coaches make:   coaching too many things at one time.

I start with fundamentals and build a very solid foundation.  I work on one thing at a time until the person really gets it and owns it.  And only then do we work on the next thing.  In the beginning it looks like we’re going slow, but this is truly the way to make rapid progress.

It’s how I snuck up on Martin. In the beginning we spent several sessions working only on developing his eye contact and creating a powerful connection with a virtual audience.

He did it a little at a time.  I had him do a little bit more, then a little bit more, until it was full blast.

Now, when he looks into the camera, you feel a STRONG executive presence.  You also feel like he is sitting right in front of you in person. Martin captivates you. His eyes are alive.

When you think you’re talking to a camera, your eyes are dead. Your eyes only come to life when you’re talking to a person. It’s a skill to talk to a camera and bring your eyes to life.

Yesterday we worked on being compelling.  Then on being inspiring.  I gave Martin real time coaching as he practiced, helping him tease out that vital carrier wave called intention. People mistake passion for intention, and try to be passionate. Passion is hollow and ineffective compared to intention.  

Intention is what you want.  Passion is what YOU’RE feeling.  Intention determines how you’ll make THEM feel.

The message Martin has to deliver in his next “All Hands” is a difficult one. He has to tell them that, for the foreseeable future, it’s going to be a lot of work and little immediate reward.  That’s what we practiced.The change in Martin in the course of two hours was startling.  By the end of our coaching session, he was one of the most amazing speakers I’ve ever seen in my life.  

Martin didn’t sugar coat the situation.  He explained the mountain of work facing the workforce needed to reach a worthwhile future, but did it in a way that evokes an intensity of genuine purpose that will organically and naturally (no hype) inspire everyone to rise to the challenge, join forces and do it with an intensity of energy.

You see, it’s not about how passionate the speaker is.  It’s about how passionate the audience is when the speaker is finished.

Martin will ignite passion.

I have no doubt that his “All Hands” next week will be met with inspired enthusiasm.  If Martin were live and in-person, I have no doubt they would rise and give him a standing ovation.

In our current world, where virtual communication is more important than ever, your ability to develop and use these skills like Martin is doing will create your future success.

You literally get to choose how far you go.

High skills will lead to high levels of success.

Mediocre skills will lead to invisibility.

If you want these skills, you can get them. Check out Mastering Virtual Presentation Skills and Building a Foundation for Causative Communications.

Be the cause!

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When Interns present better than SVPs

I’m always so happy to see my students winning.  I’m delighted that my inbox is always full of their successes and wins.  And I’m always thrilled when I hear that their ability to communicate deeply touches and moves others.

Recently I received a request to train 16 highly successful mid-level engineering professionals as part of their challenging leadership development program.

I laughed with joy when I heard the reason for the request. 

Last year, the same corporation asked me to train 40 very bright college students who intern at this huge Silicon Valley company in the summertime. Many of them get hired full-time after they graduate.

The interns work in teams on ambitious projects designed to produce financial ROI. At the end of the summer, each team presents their project results to a panel of senior executives. It is fiercely competitive, with senior execs selecting the top 3 teams, and special prizes going to each.

I was hired to give these 40 interns presentation skills training the day before their big presentation so they would come across exceedingly well to the executives.

You can imagine being in college and having to present to the senior executives of a major Silicon Valley corporation. They were nervous!  So this training was a very good idea and very generous on the corporation’s part.

These young college students did extremely well in the training and the feedback they received from the execs after their presentations was fabulous.

The panel of executives, however, were faced with a dilemma.  They couldn’t decide which team to choose as #1 because they all presented their results so well. They were heard asking each other, “What is WITH these interns?! They’re better at presenting than many of the executives around here!”

What really blew the execs away, was that there weren’t just one or two good presenters in the group of 40. They were ALL strong.

These summer college interns blew the senior execs away so thoroughly, the organization asked me to train their high potential leaders so they too would develop the same skills.  This time their presentations were virtual, even more challenging.

This training also went well, with one of them emailing me the next day:

“It felt so great to know I was connecting and engaging the panel of execs, even though I couldn’t see them.  I could FEEL it!  At the end of my presentation, the top exec said, ‘Wow!  I have no words!  That was AMAZING!’.”

I am so proud of them, as I am all my students.

I’m especially proud of the college students.  They are walking tall.  And so thrilled that they gained these impressive and powerful abilities early in their career.  

The ability to communicate is THE most important ability to have, because with this ability comes the ability to open every door in your life.  That’s my goal and my purpose.  For you to experience that freedom.

Don’t let being virtual stop you from being powerful.  If you want these skills, you can get them. Check out Mastering Virtual Presentation Skills and Building a Foundation for Causative Communications.

Be the cause!

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Perfect Understanding

The essence of humanity is our individuality. Because of this, we each have unique viewpoints. Often we have emotions attached to them.

“Viewpoint” literally means, “the point from which you view”. If you’re at the bottom of the mountain looking up, the top looks very different than it does after you’ve climbed it.  You’ve changed your viewpoint.  You now see it from a different viewpoint.  You now possess two viewpoints of the mountain top.

You can say what is true for you at the bottom.  The truth will be different when you’re at the top.

The challenge becomes when we try to communicate our different viewpoints. Often it goes smoothly. But not always.

When it doesn’t, it’s generally because disagreement is overwhelming the conversation, and has overpowered understanding. 

When there’s no understanding, there’s no real acknowledgment of what is said. And that’s when communication goes south.

Understanding and agreement are very different. “Understanding” means, “I can see it from your viewpoint, I see what you’re seeing from your point of view, I perceive it clearly.” 

“Agreement” means, “I think the same way as you do, I consent, let’s do that, I have the same opinion, I even think you’re right.”

To simply see something from another’s point of view is often the greatest challenge people have.

They’re so busy disagreeing, they stop seeing.

The problem people have is this:  when they don’t agree, they withhold their understanding. They say things like, “I don’t understand how you could feel that way.”  Or they mistake this for understanding: “I totally understand you.  You’re selfish, stupid, stubborn and you’re wrong.”

The moment you withhold your understanding, even a little, you suppress the one thing that makes communication, and relationships, work. 

Understanding is a skill.  A high level skill.  A powerful ability. 

The more you perfect it, the more magical your life becomes.

I received this email from a student who completed Causative Communication online training a week ago:

“I'm amazed at how quickly it allows a conversation to move on by acknowledging, and how finding the words is easy when you have affinity. It's exactly what we learned, but it has not stopped happening outside of class or at work.  I've also shared the approach I learned with my kids, and I've seen them be successful with it as well. 

“My son struggles with anxiety, and in particular he worries about making people angry by not agreeing with them.  I told him about affinity, acknowledging, and the difference between understanding and agreeing, and with a little practice at home, it has completely changed his perspective on interacting with people, and eliminated that fear!”

I love that there is a young boy who is learning how to be causative, how to freely communicate and exchange viewpoints with anyone, while still a child. This is going to serve him well throughout his entire life.  

It gives me great joy that his fear, his anxiety, has vanished.

This opens up the whole world to him, and endless possibilities.

With affinity, understanding and acknowledgments, you possess the tools to create magic in any conversation, to bring about affinity, understanding and acknowledgment in others.

When you have this certainty, you can achieve harmonious collaboration with anyone, and the ability to create the future you dream of.

Every service we offer, whether it’s online/offline, in a group or even one-on-one, will move you forward towards that goal.

Be the cause!

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Crossing the bridge into the land of your dreams

Learning does something nothing else can.  It engages and exercises your mind, fills you with well-being and makes you feel powerful.

Today I’ll tell you about Virginia and the transformation that learning created in her life…

Virginia is a really good person, but she never stood out.  She interviewed for a number of exciting new roles within her company … and kept not getting them.

She works for a company that offers our classes to their employees, which is how I met her.   Virginia showed up for Causative Communication eager and motivated to find out how to create a winning streak.

The following week she was in Mastering Virtual Presentations and, as I started the class, she interrupted, bubbling over with enthusiasm, and said, “There’s something I need to tell you: 

“Right after the last class I had to do an extremely difficult series of interviews for a competitive position.  I was interviewed by a panel of executives, followed by a series of one-on-ones with key stakeholders.  The next day their HR partner called me and said, ‘I normally never tell anyone this so quickly, but we’ve all talked and you are for sure the person we want in this role. Everyone who interviewed you said that, compared with everyone else they interviewed, you really stood out. You created such a bond and trust with each one of us, we all felt you’re part of our team already!  One of the execs even said that a wonderful positive energy comes from your eyes. We can’t wait to have you start!”

She was the same person, but the result was completely different.  Keep in mind:  she created “a bond and trust” with people and execs she didn’t know and these interviews were all virtual!

REAL communication dissolves all barriers. It creates true understanding, trust and a closeness you wouldn’t think could be possible when you’re virtual.

Virginia had a clear and beautiful vision of success. And a firm decision to make it.

Learning enabled her to cross that bridge.  And now she’s flying high with wings that will keep her airborne.

Learning enables you to cross any bridge into the land of your dreams. That’s why a great teacher is such a gift in your life and to the world. 

Never let your current level of ability limit your dreams. There’s no ability you can’t develop. All the abilities you could ever want are inside of you, like many seeds waiting for sun and water.

Your dreams are there for a reason. They are waiting for you to live them.

And learning can make it all possible.

What are you going to learn next?

Be the cause!

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The journey towards 100% certainty

I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve heard or read the words, “We are living in a time of uncertainty.” 

I’ve been around for a while and I can’t EVER recall living in what anyone would call “a time of certainty.”  As a student of history, I can’t name any past civilization that I’d characterize as “a time of certainty”, including the Golden Age of Greece in the time of Pericles which was considered one of the best.

Persons today writing or saying that this is “a time of uncertainty” may be describing their OWN world view (and they’re likely to be having quite an awful day as a result), but it certainly doesn’t need to define your reality.

The word certainty means freedom from doubt. It also means unfailing and always producing the intended effect.

Imagine being free of doubt.  Imagine being unfailing and always producing your intended effect.  That’s what certainty is.

Certainty came from the Latin word certanus which meant full of confidence in one’s knowledge or judgment.

Doubt is the opposite of certainty. Freedom from doubt is powerful. A good dictionary will tell you that doubt means:

• to waver or fluctuate

• to hesitate

• to be in suspense

• to be missing confidence

• to believe truth or fact to be undetermined

• to fear, be apprehensive, to suspect

• to be in an unsettled state

Doubt came from the Latin duo which meant undecided between two things.

Clearly, a feeling of certainty is one of the most important feelings you can have.  A feeling of certainty is both desirable and VITAL for a happy life.  Having a feeling of certainty about yourself feels GREAT.

It’s not a feeling you want to have go away.  You want to feel certain … all the time.

But how do you achieve that?

The question that shines a light on this path is this one:  Do you derive your certainty from WITHIN?  Or from outside?

Your answer defines the degree of certainty AND happiness you can look forward to.

When certainty comes from the outside (what other people, economic conditions, news media, etc. are doing or going to do), you can all too easily get blown by the wind, and who knows which way the wind will blow?  You’ll NEVER have enduring certainty and any certainty you THINK you have, will blow away one day.

When your certainty is from within, it’s ALWAYS a time of certainty.

Let tell you some real examples from the hundreds I have heard from the professionals and execs who recently completed our online courses on Building a Foundation for Causative Communications and Mastering Virtual Presentations.

I’ll give you three examples of what increased certainty does.

A manager was leading a team meeting and, unexpectedly, politics flared up.  The conversation suddenly became an inferno of miscommunication, became very tense and people got upset.  Using all the skills she gained, she guided the conversation into and through the tough issues to a positive outcome where everyone felt happy and satisfied.  She especially made sure EVERYONE felt heard and acknowledged.  She turned it into a meaningful, emotionally impactful conversation that had a profound impact on all of them.  It brought the team together in a powerful way.  Afterward she was flooded with “Thank you” notes.

A client wrote me, “I am transformed.  I really needed the skills this week.  I turned every negative situation into a positive.  I pumped affinity and real understanding into every situation.  My week is now absolutely fabulous!  I just kept thinking, 'Is this really happening?'  I walked away so charged up, I was ready to take over the world!”

An engineering professional who had been extremely nervous presenting to senior execs (especially virtually) wrote me after a very important presentation: “It felt so great to know I was connecting and engaging the panel of execs, even though I couldn’t see them.  I could FEEL it!  At the end of my presentation, the top exec said, ‘Wow!  I have no words!  That was AMAZING!’.”

I’m receiving email after email from many other students sharing their extraordinary wins.

What does this have to do with certainty?  And with you?

When you take your communication skills to an extremely high level, your impact on the world around you is powerful, inevitable.  Your doubts about yourself, about the future, the world around you vanish.  You have great certainty.

In today’s world, especially because we’re virtual, it takes EVERYTHING I’ve been writing about in these articles to create it – but MORE of everything than before!  It takes MORE imagination, MORE being fully present, MORE really connecting with the other person or persons, MORE focused attention, MORE full affinity, MORE speaking with powerful intent, MORE listening, and MORE total acknowledgements so the other person feels truly heard.  These are all things you want to SPLURGE on right now!

I live my life with certainty.  And I’m dedicated to helping you live yours with certainty too, with extraordinary communication and presentation abilities that always work for you, with freedom from doubt.

I love certainty.

I am certain these three people I’ve written about will hit it out of the park again, that their success is just beginning.

I have 40 clients I’m working with this week.  I am certain I’m going to love them and make some lifelong friends. I am certain they will have extraordinary realizations about their communications and relationships.  I am certain they’ll experience enduring life-changing wins and that they’ll gain abilities that make them stand out.  I’m certain they will have a positive impact on the world around them.  And at home too.

I’m certain we will laugh.  A lot.

Do I know when I’ll be able to walk into a store without a mask? No.  But is that running my life? Not at all.

I have WAY more things on the list of things I’m certain of – and all the IMPORTANT things are on that list.

Certainty comes from being able to cause the outcomes you want. It comes from self-confidence.  And that comes from competence.  

And attitude. An attitude that says you look within for what you want.  An attitude that you can create anything you want. 

Attitude alone WITHOUT skills gets defeated.

The people who have abilities plus attitude are the ones who are going to change the world.  People like YOU!

I’m certain that good things are created on an individual level first, that individuals begin to impact other individuals around them, and that begins to impact a group and a wider and an expanding sphere of life.

I’m certain if good people (like you) are filled with their own inner certainty, that we can have a golden age ahead.

I’m certain you are unique.  I am certain you are important.  I will bet that you are a stabilizing force for the world around you.   The world needs you.

Live in a world of certainty! 

If I can help you do that, email me.  I am committed to helping you in your journey towards 100% certainty.

Be the cause!

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How to speak with your eyes…

Do you have a favorite photo of you? 

If you’re like most people, you have many photos of you that you’re not crazy about, and a small handful you like.  That photo you do like captures for forever something wonderful about you.  It’s the one photo of you that makes even you smile.

A really good photographer knows how to bring that out in you.  That’s what I do in teaching people virtual presentation skills.  Bring it out.  In this article I want to help you see WHY you like that photo of you and not others.

This will help you create more photos you like, but the reason I’m focusing on this is that the same principle applies to creating powerful communication virtually, especially when you’re giving virtual presentations.

I’m going to use Marc as an example.  Marc is a senior executive I coached this week, helping him prepare for a presentation he’ll be making with thousands watching.  The two reasons people are listening to Marc are interest in his content and his position in the organization.

As a technical leader, Marc is extremely knowledgeable and has great technical content.  Marc also has a great strategy, and he’s innovative.  None of these come across. 

It comes across dry.  Fine for the first 3 minutes, then disappointingly uninspiring.  He can’t wait for it to be over, and neither can you.

How do you bring out the charisma of someone like this?

Let me bridge back to you and talk about how do you bring it out of yourself?

Well first let me tell you how NOT to do it.

You know when someone’s taking your picture and they tell you to smile? What are you feeling at that moment?  Pretty awful, right? Like you’re forcing yourself to smile when you’re not feeling it.  You’re FORCING that smile.  You hold it until the camera clicks.  And then you drop it.

When you do that, your smile looks fake. It doesn’t match the look in your eyes.

The look in your eyes is THE most powerful, THE most important, aspect of your body language there is. 

People ask me all the time if body language is important.  My answer is an unqualified YES!  But we have to look at WHERE it comes from.

If you work on the superficial, your body language will be terrible because it’s fake, like you see in the bad photo which captures your fake body language and freezes it in time for you.

Let me repeat this.  The look in your eyes is THE most powerful, THE most important, aspect of your body.

Whether you are in person and even MORE so when you’re virtual!

When your smile doesn’t MATCH your eyes, whether in a photo, an in-person conversation or a presentation, you DON’T look good. I don’t even need to see you to tell you I’m 100% certain of that.

The other thing that happens when someone tells you to smile for the camera, is that you get self-conscious.

Self-conscious literally means too conscious or aware of yourself.  It means you’re putting your attention on yourself.

Having attention on yourself VIOLATES every principle of powerful and effective communication. 

Imagine watching your arm while you play tennis. How well will you play?

If you look back at that photo of yourself that you really like, what was your attention on?

What were you thinking?

Most importantly, what were you feeling?

I have no doubt you had no attention on yourself and you were filled with a powerful feeling.  Right?

And it showed in your EYES.

An empty smile will NEVER create the effect we’re looking for.

It’s not in your mouth. It’s in your eyes.

You want your eyes to speak.

Film stars in silent movies knew this very well. They didn’t have sound to carry them.  They spoke with their eyes.

How you do that is by what you’re thinking and what you’re feeling.

Let me make a point here.  Your eyes speak whether you want them to or not.  If you’re feeling any anxiety, if you’re even a little bit self-conscious, believe me your eyes are speaking that out to the world.

I have a photo of me I really like.  I’m in India with 225 students. They’re each doing individual exercises. I’m wearing a beautiful Indian salwar (gorgeous silk tunic over fabulously elegant pants).  I’m holding a clipboard loosely in my right arm and my left hand is on my hip.  I’m closely observing a young student as he works on his assignment.  I’m utterly absorbed in him and the look of pure love on my face floods the photo.  This photo captures timeless beauty.

Genuine and great affinity for the person or persons you’re talking to is what puts that beautiful look in your eyes and makes you look good, makes you beautiful or handsome.  And, very importantly, makes others respond.

I coach many senior executives. Only a small percent of them have sufficient affinity to be called charismatic.

I’m like the photographer who can draw the charisma out.  I draw their affinity out.

I do this by coaching them on what’s in their core.  Not superficial facial expressions or hand gestures, but their core, which is the true fountain, the true source, of charisma.

Going back to Marc, he looks like two different people in his “before” and “after” videos.

In his “before” video, Marc’s eyes are dead.  They’re not cold, just lifeless.  He smiles occasionally, but his eyes have no life.

In his “after” video, Marc’s eyes are filled with great warmth, they’re smiling, twinkling even.  The look in his eyes fills you with great warmth for him.

This can ONLY happen with genuine feelings of affinity.  You will never be successful faking it or forcing it.  It has to be REALLY happening inside you.

It comes from inside you, moves to your eyes and then to your smile. 

Marrying Marc’s incredible content with charisma created a leader whose communication is inspiring.  I guarantee if you see him talk, you’ll find yourself smiling without even realizing you’re doing it, a smile that starts before you even have time to think about it.  It starts the moment he starts speaking.

Which brings me to another point.

Many people have momentary bursts of affinity in their presentations.  A small burst at the beginning, one or max two brief bursts in the middle and occasionally a tiny burst when they’re leaving.  They’re all momentary and over in a flash.

Very few maintain powerful affinity throughout their entire talk. You can see it in their eyes.  No life in the eyes throughout most of their presentation.

The key is to start STRONG and CONTINUE that affinity throughout your entire presentation.  Of course that feeling will still have very natural peaks and valleys, but in a much HIGHER range of feeling that brings out the BEST in you.

My inbox is full of emails from students I coached last week, telling me that already this week they’re getting incredible results and the feedback they’re receiving is that they’re now “Amazing!”

Nothing makes me happier than helping someone who wants to reach others with their ideas achieve their goal.  Nothing makes me happier than filling the world with great communicators.  Nothing makes me happier than helping people be amazing.  If we do this enough, we’ll have an amazing world.

Be the cause!

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KNOWING without looking…

Many, many people have been signing up for our online training.  It’s very uplifting and, as one of my clients said, “It makes you feel good about the world and it makes you feel good about yourself.” 

That’s one of my purposes, so it makes me very happy to hear that.  It’s a good time for learning. 

I’m coaching a lot of people on their virtual presentation skills these days.  I have about 50 students this week alone, a combination of workshops and one-on-one coaching for execs.

Here’s one question that comes up a lot:

“I know I’m supposed to look into the camera, but I want to see their faces to see their reactions to what I’m saying. How do I look into the camera and see their reactions at the same time?”

My answer surprises them.

There’s a huge difference between:

A. Causing the reaction you want and KNOWING you caused it without having to look

B.  Doing something and then stepping back to look and see what reaction they’re having.

When someone says they need to “see their faces” to know their reaction, it immediately tells me they don’t have enough ability or skill to simply cause their intended reaction and know they caused it.  Without looking.

You have to be pretty good to do that.

This level of ability gives you a super high degree of certainty.  It’s a, “I don’t have to look, I KNOW I did it.”

For example, when you can say, “I don’t need anyone to tell me no one was multitasking during my presentation.  I KNOW they weren’t.”  And you’re right.

Or, “I don’t need to see if they get it.   I KNOW I delivered it so well that they absolutely got it.”

Or, “They don’t need to tell me.  I KNOW they like me.  I KNOW they agree with me.”

Or, “I don’t need to see if they’re inspired or are going to act. They are and they will.” 

And they do.

In other words, you knowingly caused it and you’re sure you did.

This kind of certainty comes from being able to hit it out of the park, an expression describing an American baseball batter hitting a home run that makes the ball travel so high and so far, it flies way out of the stadium beyond anyone’s reach. 

What I’m talking about is being able to tell by the perfect FEEL of your swing, by the impact when you connect with the ball, and the special sound of the crack of the bat … everything about that motion feels so right, you start running around the bases because you KNOW you have a home run. 

It takes an incredible amount of intention to achieve that.

Intention is positive and deliberate purpose.  Deliberate means you’ve decided.  Positive means totally certain.  Certain means no doubt.  Intention means no doubt about the outcome.

When you have that level of intention, magic happens.  Whether it’s baseball or communication.

Society encourages self-doubt, but surrenders to intention.

I think I’ve mentioned to you that my inbox is full of successes and wins from students.  What a joy to read them!

This week one of our recent students from Mastering Virtual Presentations wrote that she’d been invited to present to 200+ people at a Virtual event earlier in the day.  She wrote she created, “25 minutes of focused presentation, total connection with the audience, eye contact, Affinity, FUN and intention!  It all came to life!”

She had 200 people watching her that she couldn’t see.  Did she have any visible sign that she was connecting with them?

No, she just KNEW, just like the guy who hit the home-run knows.

It’s funny.  When you have that level of ability, you can actually FEEL the energy of the audience coming back to you, even when you can’t see them.  Don’t ask me how, you just do.  It’s powerful.

What happened after her talk? Over 50 people spontaneously reached out and emailed her kudos. 50 out of 200.  Spontaneously.

When does that ever happen?  Home-run.

By the way, she’s not a senior executive. She’s not someone people have to play up to. She’s an individual contributor. With noticeably amazing communication skills.

You cause the reaction of the people in your audience.  Or you are the effect of their reaction. 

It’s all up to you.

That’s why it’s so important for you to have a clear decision about what reaction you want to cause and the ability to do it.  Then you can go ahead and cause it. 

And KNOW you did it, whether or not you see their faces.

Work on your abilities. Work on your intention. Work on your certainty. They will lead you down the path to magic.

If you want to fast track your journey down that path, I invite you to get involved in one of the events below…

Be the cause!

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Virtual is REAL

I woke up this morning to an email from a recent student.  She just got promoted and could not be more excited.  She’s a Millennial.  It’s her first promotion.  She’s flying high.  Another student was promoted to SVP of a major Silicon Valley multinational corporation.  Someone took a screen shot of the joy in her face when she was told the news during a virtual staff meeting and this beautiful photo has been shared a thousand times.

My inbox is full of good news.  Some days I can’t even keep up with it.

I’ve been wanting to create online training for years.  My staff will tell you it’s been on my “goals for the year” for a loooong time.  I never had the time.  We were always so swamped with in-person clients, there wasn’t a moment to sit down and design training for a whole new medium.

And then “now” happened.  When I pulled the staff together and asked them what they thought about the situation, they didn’t even have to think.  They said, “Great opportunity to do what we’ve been wanting to do for years.”

And so we are. 

In the last several weeks we’ve built an online business overnight.  Everyone working overtime.  It’s going better than even we expected.

We’ve been overwhelmed by the client demand for this training.  It turns out we have people all over the country and the world who have been wanting to do our services, but weren’t able to travel or have us come there. 

We’ve trained hundreds of people in the last several weeks, WAY more than we were ever able to do in person, and the wins are pouring into my inbox more than ever.  I was delighted to discover that the amazing wins our clients have always had working with us in person also happen when they work with us virtually.  I can’t tell you how relieved I am!  I was worried the client wins would be less.  Not so!  Whew!

We were able to offer free webinars for several weeks.  But we’re now being asked to do so many sessions for individual corporations, we simply don’t have time to continue them at the moment. 

There’s one exception.  A number of organizations asked me to put something together specifically for engineers.  We have so many of them around us.  So you’ll see a free webinar just for them below (or for you if you are one!).

I’ve learned so much in the last several weeks.  Some I already knew, but it really came home to me seeing so many people win in such a short period of time:

When you have the ability to engage any audience or any individual and create a powerful impact when you’re virtual, there’s no one in the world you can’t reach. 

Despite what most people think, the word virtual does NOT mean, “Not there.” It means, “MAKE IT REAL.” The word virtual literally means, “Having the power of being real.” Even though it’s not actual, it is AS POWERFUL as if it were real.

That means your virtual presence should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were in the same room. It means your communication should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were right in front of their face. It means your impact needs to be REAL. That’s what the word “virtual” means.

When you can do that, no one tunes you out. No one multi-tasks. They listen. They get it. They respect you. They’re inspired. They buy-in. And, if you’re really good, they admire you.

That takes some serious skills.  They’re easy to learn. 

When it comes to communicating effectively, even very capable people are operating at less than 10% of their potential.  Bring out the other 90% of yourself.  It’s there waiting for you.  There’s nothing more thrilling.  You’ll fly high.

Don’t listen to feedback that’s not helpful. The only feedback you should listen to is feedback that gets you excited and makes you feel your true power is being released.

Find a good source to work with.  If you didn’t invent Jedi, you’ll need a Jedi Master to help you become Jedi.  You won’t figure Jedi out on your own.  Work with a Jedi Master and you’ll achieve extraordinary results so fast it’s exhilarating.

We’ve had many organizations have their folks do live group online training together.  It’s crazy awesome fun.  I’ve never seen groups have such a good time!  Learn new skills together and support each other and keep the skills alive when the training is over.

Possibly the most important thing I learned is that ALWAYS is a good time to develop your skills.  It’s always a good time.  You are alive and have goals that matter to you today.  Don’t back-burner your happiness.    

You are important to the world.  We need you.  We need to hear your voice.  We need you to win at the game of life.  Whatever way you do it, gain the communication skills you need so life is not directing you, but you are causing it to go the way you know it should.  We will all be happier because of it.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

NOTE:  Please check with your company’s Learning & Development department to see if our programs are in their catalogue.  If they are, that’s the best way for you to sign up.  The free webinar for engineers is not in catalogues yet.

1.       FREE Webinar: Virtual Communication Skills for Engineers

April 28, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

2.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

3.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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How Jesse blew away the Founder, CEO and CMO in a single presentation

Jesse, one of our clients, just sent me a video of his virtual presentation to VIP customers and senior execs after his coaching.  It was SOOOO good, it blew me away.  (Not just me, but his CEO and everyone else in the meeting.)

I was swept off my feet by how calm he is.  

Jesse is dynamic and charismatic … and calm.  It’s a powerful mix.  The one adjective NEVER used to describe successful professionals in corporate America is CALM.  And yet, that is the #1 barometer of real confidence. 

He is looking right into the camera, his presence is STRONG and it feels like he’s talking right to you. He also makes you feel you’re the only person he’s talking to, and that really gets your attention.

He takes his sweet time and makes sure that the quality of his communication is extraordinary.  He’s not trying to cram a whole lot of words into a short period of time (which always makes you look frantic).

His slides are in the background enhancing his presentation, but making a personal connection with you is his main focus.

Jesse has several key messages and takes his time getting them across, so you not only GET them, you’re impressed by them and you remember them.

The outstanding characteristics of his presentation are his comfort and clarity.  He is completely comfortable and his presence is nice and strong.  His pace is spot-on, he is extremely clear, and his slides now enhance that clarity.

And his great affinity and warmth for the people he’s talking to is evident in his tone, in all of his body language, facial expression and, especially, in his eyes.

All of Jesse’s effectiveness is entirely due to the fabulous connection he’s making by talking so directly to his audience, to you, via the camera.  That is what is underlying all this other goodness.

It’s a rare kind of presentation.  It’s personal.  It’s real.  It has personality.  It creates rapport.  It’s inspiring.  You believe him.  You want him in your life.

Jesse is normally very hard on himself.  That’s all gone.  This is what he emailed:

“My presentation was outstanding, even though it was virtual! It was one of my best presentations that I have ever made and I felt in the zone. As soon as it kicked off, I just felt comfortable and was able to flow with it. Your coaching prior to the session was career changing, literally. The CEO immediately sent me a note congratulating me and the head of Marketing sent a note to the execs in the company saying I “killed it!”... the Board member who founded the company also recognized what I did.”

Jesse ended his email by writing he feels like there’s still a lot for him to learn.

He’s right.  There is.

But it's the difference between positive and negative gain.  Negative gain is when the presenter is doing a lot of things that are negative.  They detract from making a powerful impact.  For example, experiencing anxiety, self-doubt, saying, “Uhm …”, being unable to connect with the audience, losing the audience’s interest, talking too fast, etc.

Jesse’s not doing that.  He’s lost all the negatives and entered a new rank of presenters.

Positive gain is when you reach a new dimension of extraordinary communication and continue to build on the positives.  You keep going higher and higher.  This is where your communication becomes good enough for you to become a great world leader (or whatever your highest goal is). 

You too can operate in this high class of presenters.  As you achieve higher levels of ‘outstanding’ with your communication skills, your abilities develop into powers and you begin to feel you’re operating at your true potential.  You’ve left the negatives behind.  A worthy and exhilarating goal.

Helping others achieve this is our mission.  It’s what we do here. So, consider this your direct invitation to join us in the upcoming Virtual Presentation Skill-Building Summit.  I’ll open enrollment for this session on Friday, March 13, 2020.  Feel free to contact us if you want me to put you on the list to pre-register.

Be the cause!

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Prisoners of the script

I loved Amelia the moment I met her…

She is a beautiful young woman who was recently promoted to regional manager over a large territory with many people and tremendous responsibility. She is warm, genuine and effervescent in her one-on-one conversations and very well loved within the organization.

Amelia came to the Transformative Presentation Skills workshop because she wanted to learn how to communicate effectively to larger groups now that she has to address a bigger audience.

Her presentation slides were artistically well designed. Her presentation had an excellent key message and was very well organized, systematic and logical.

It was also very corporate, especially in how she delivered it.  Amelia came across scripted, professional and well-rehearsed, but drained of personality. I observed the audience. They were polite but disengaged.

To handle how nervous she was talking in front of people, Amelia had rehearsed and rehearsed before the workshop so her mind would not go blank when she stood in front of them.

Her slides provided her with a script she felt she couldn’t deviate from. Her slides, even though a beautiful work of art, along with her script and over-rehearsing, were totally getting in her way.

I coached her on being in the moment and letting go of her script. At first she was petrified. She was terrified of being up there and not knowing what to say.

In reality, if you want to be really good, “in the moment” is the ONLY way to be. When you are in the moment, you don’t know what you’re going to say next.  You’re not supposed to.  You’re in THIS moment, not the next one. 

To focus on what you’re saying NOW, you must be willing to not know what you’re going to say next.  You have to trust it will come to you.  And, if you are fully connected with the audience, it will.

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about financial numbers, an engineering design, a quarterly update or giving a sales presentation. If you want to be considered a great presenter, you have to create an emotional impact on the audience. The more powerful your emotional impact, the more effective you will be.

The truth is, you can’t do that with a script.  It has to come straight out of you and be inspired directly from the connection you are making with the audience in that exact moment in time.

You simply cannot plan it.  Or rehearse it.

As you create an emotional impact, the audience will change in front of you and you need to be sufficiently in the moment to respond to that change and then take them even higher.

I helped Amelia to be free of tension and anxiety so she would feel comfortable letting go of her script. Then she was able to fully face the audience, connect with each of them and observe them individually as she spoke.

She wasn’t thinking about the past, she wasn’t thinking about the future, she wasn’t even thinking about where she was going. She was simply 100% in the moment, fully with the people in front of her, creating the message as if it was the very first time and crafting it brilliantly. The audience was moved to tears as I saw many of them dabbing at their eyes.

Amelia revealed the brilliance hiding within her by letting go of the script.

Once you are able to do that for yourself, you’ll discover just how much the world is waiting to hear what you have to share…

Be the cause!

Ingrid

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Transforming Larry: the worst communicator in the room

Some people think you have to be “born with” the skills and charisma that make a really great public speaker.  Not true.  Let me tell you the story of Larry.

I was invited to give a two-hour talk on presentation skills at a technical conference for a highly specialized professional association.

At the banquet the night before my presentation, I told the President of the association, Steve, that I wanted to line up a volunteer to coach during my talk.  He asked what qualities I was looking for and I said, “Someone who really needs to improve in this area.” 

He enthusiastically told me Larry would be perfect and I said, “Let’s go meet him.”  Well, meet him I did.  Larry hardly took his eyes off the floor while we were talking, and for the brief moments they did come off the floor, they went straight to the ceiling or the wall.  Turns out, Steve interpreted my request as, “Who is the absolute worst communicator in this group?” 

I told Larry, “You know, I’m going to be coaching you in front of 300 people.”  He glared at me for a brief moment and said, “What does THAT mean?”  I said, “I’m going to be telling you what to do and you’re going to have to do it.  Are you okay with that?”  He mulled it over a little (looking at the ceiling) and then said, “I guess that’s okay.”  And so it was.

After Larry left, Steve said, “I hope you’re going to coach him on looking at people!” And then laughed for 2 minutes straight. 

I asked Steve, “What does the group think of Larry?”  Steve said, “Everyone thinks he’s the worst communicator in the group” and started laughing again. 

Turns out that Larry has been the worst communicator in the group for decades (he’s probably pushing 60).  I said, “Steve, I not only have to teach him how to look 1 person in the eye, which he’s never done, he’s going to have to go from never looking 1 person in the eye to looking at 300 in one fell swoop!”  Steve said, “I can’t wait.”

In the morning Larry was surprisingly enthusiastic when I talked to him before the talk.  I told him that I was going to coach him to bring out his natural charisma and he said, “My what?”   I explained and he seemed to like it. 

As Steve introduced me, the group laughed like mad when they heard I picked Larry for my volunteer. 

Before I started the actual coaching, Larry did a “before” presentation where he was looking off to the side and pretty much mumbling to himself.  No one seemed surprised and we all applauded. 

Then I started teaching Larry how to own the room.  Simply looking at the whole room just about killed him.   But, bless his heart, he did a great job of it.  He really stepped up to the plate and, by George!, he GOT it!  He owned the room.

I had him present again.  Wow!  He was so much better!  I asked the group, “How many people saw a difference?” EVERY hand went up.  I said, “Let’s give Larry some feedback” and he got more positive feedback in 3 minutes than he’s gotten in the last 3 years.  He looked rather pleased.

Then I told him what he needed to do to REALLY connect with the audience and make each person feel like he was talking directly to them.  He looked at me like he couldn’t believe I actually wanted him to do this.  I coached.  He did better.  I coached some more.  He somehow got it through his head that he wasn’t going to get off the stage until he did it and SUDDENLY WHAMO ZAMO ZAP!  Larry was COMMUNICATING!!!!!  All the way to the back of the room!!! And he was really CONNECTING with PEOPLE!!!!! 

It’s no exaggeration to say Larry had charisma.

At two points during his talk, Larry was interrupted by spontaneous and enthusiastic applause while he was speaking.  The audience was completely captivated, engaged, and loving him.  No other conference speaker got as much applause!!!!!  Not even the ones who were paid high fees!

No one wanted it to be over and Larry was MOBBED after his talk. 

Afterward Larry came up to me and said, “I learned so much.  I’m going to use what I learned for the rest of my life.”   Well, you just had to hug him.

If there was ever a person who would have been voted “least likely to succeed at public speaking” before this day, it would have been Larry.

When I say, “Everyone has this ability inside them,” I want you to know I mean everyone.  This is why I love coaching people and helping them gain these skills.  When you bring out the “star” in a person, it’s a glorious moment.  When they know and have the skills, they can do it themselves forever more.

So, if you’ve ever had the feeling that public speaking isn’t something you’re fabulous at, I want you to know you can be.  And pretty quickly too.  Don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t.

The Transformative Presentation Skills Workshop coming up in November is a powerful opportunity to make this shift in a very short time.  I am absolutely thrilled to be delivering this workshop personally and seeing each person achieve a beautiful transformation.

Should you be there? Only if you want a result like the one Larry experienced.

Be the cause!

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“You can’t reach everyone” and other communication myths

Hal is a Director. When he presents to his senior leadership team, three of them pay attention.  Four are “laptops open” and checking their emails, looking up occasionally. Two don’t really understand what he does and don’t support him at all.

Andrea is a Vice President. She has a champion on the senior executive team.  But only one.  When she presents to all of them, they listen politely, thank her and drag their heels about moving forward on her recommendations.

Russ is a CEO who speaks at industry conferences. He wants to be an opinion leader for his industry. The ratings of his speeches average 3.8, marking him as an average speaker, nothing extraordinary. He’s generally perceived as trying real hard, but not inspiring.

Which brings us to a really good point.

If you have an audience of 100 people, with how many do you want to have a great connection? What percent of them do you want to resonate with your message?

Most people are happy if 10 out of 100 come up after their presentation to tell them how great it was. But that’s only 10%.

There’s a false idea out there that “you can’t reach everyone”. Clearly that notion was put forward by someone who couldn’t do it.  Yes, it does hold true for many people, they aren’t able to reach everyone.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

If you communicate skillfully, you should be able to reach 90%.

The problem is most people have no idea how to do this. While they feel they may do okay one-on-one, when you put them in front of a group, they get thrown off trying to talk to multiple people at the same time.

When they get up in front of a group, they’re not themselves. They’re straining to be someone others will consider a good presenter. They’re working hard to be “convincing”. This combination of factors makes them feel they need to perform.

Understand this: great communicators don’t perform, they communicate.

Most people don’t know how to cross that bridge to truly great communication when they’re in front of an audience.

So not only do their slides go into “presentation mode”, they go into an artificial presentation mode themselves. They force themselves into that unnatural stream of hyped-up or monotonous, continuous outpouring of words you see so much of in corporate presentations.

They try to cover their nervousness, fail to connect with everyone in their audience and talk too fast.   

If this is happening to you, the tough part is falling short of your own expectations. That’s brutal.

How do you transform into an individual who is free, unself-conscious, compelling, impactful, lovable even, and most importantly, totally comfortable and uniquely yourself?

Our Transformative Presentation Skills workshop was named by our clients.  After training thousands of people, we looked through their evaluations to see the one word they used most often in describing their experience from this training. That word was transformative.

In this workshop, you learn how to really connect, to reach everyone in your audience, not just 10%.

I’ve seen it with Hal, Andrea and Russ, the folks I wrote about above. Hal now has his senior leadership team with laptops closed, valuing his recommendations and even asking him to present to top tier customers.

Andrea’s recommendations are moving forward with senior level support at a speed she never imagined.

And Russ is viewed as one of the top CEOs, powerfully dynamic and a major opinion leader in his industry.

They all hit the tipping point of being able to reach an exceptionally high percentage of their audience, captivate them and get them on board.

If you can’t make it to the workshop, that doesn’t mean that you can’t work on these skills. The first step is to discard the feeling that you’re performing and that you’ll be judged.

Shift your focus from performing to communicating, and instead of worrying about whether or not you’ll be judged, simply make sure you are understood.   Understanding is the essence of communication.   Simply put, intend for each person to fully understand you.

It sounds like a small shift, but you’ll prove to yourself it’s far more than that when you start to see the effect of reaching more of your audience.

Be the cause!

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Your presentation Mojo

Last week I was delivering a presentation skills workshop to a group of seven women who are each highly intelligent, highly skilled, highly professional.  They gave their initial presentations so I could assess their skills and see what they needed to develop to become extraordinary presenters.

Their presentations were all very corporate.  Very businesslike and rather deadpan.  The facts of the matter presented seriously, matter-of-factly, no self-expression.  Corporate.

Then I asked them their goals. The first one said, "I want to get my Mojo back. I used to have Mojo and somehow I lost it."

Six hands went up and six voices said, "Me too! I want Mojo."

So Mojo became the goal of the workshop.

What is Mojo? How does it get lost? How do you gain or regain it?

Mojo is a fabulous word.  It captures a quality no other word conveys.

It comes from West Africa where it originally meant magic.  Today it means personal magnetism, those incredible moments when you are in complete control, you’re in the zone, you have a fantastic ability to generate great attractiveness independent of any physical beauty or handsomeness, to express yourself in a way that is uniquely you, and in a way that sweeps everyone along.  You feel GOOD.  And the audience loves you.

The most important thing to know about Mojo is that it’s that quality that is entirely you.  No two people have Mojo that’s alike.  There’s no such thing as corporate Mojo.  Mojo is something only individuals have, never corporations or groups.

What I've observed is that everyone has Mojo, but most people have lost it.  Little kids often have Mojo, but by the time they go to work in a large corporation, it’s gone.

Since Mojo is an expression of a style that is uniquely yours, any conformity immediately kills it.  And large corporations seem to demand conformity. That’s why corporate presentations all tend to look alike:  business people performing, trying hard to impress, to look dynamic, yet stuck in being I’llvery corporate.

Don’t fall for it.

You may work in a large corporation, yet who you ARE is not corporate.  Who you are is you.

Many people think they won’t be acceptable being exactly who they are, which is why they start to conform to what they think the corporation wants of them.  You also don’t see many people around you truly being themselves when they give presentations, so you don’t really have examples that show you that you can do it.

Let’s talk about with Mojo isn’t.  It isn’t self-conscious.  It isn’t anxious.  It isn’t self doubt.  It isn’t self deprecating.  It isn’t trying to impress. It isn’t seeking approval. It isn’t imitating someone else.  It isn’t trying at all.  It most definitely isn’t corporate.

Mojo has nothing to do with your content. It has everything to do with you.

In a large corporation Mojo is as rare and as welcome as a breeze of cool fresh air is to a hot, stuffy room.

So what does it take to get your Mojo back?

It’s difficult without knowing the fundamentals of great presentations.  These fundamentals are what give you the base of confidence on which your Mojo can sit.

You need to know how to own the room, how to make a powerful connection with your audience, how to have a strong presence, how to make each person feel like you’re talking directly to them, how to create rapport with a whole group at once, how to get your point across so it’s compelling, how to communicate in a way that inspires people.

Once you have these fundamentals down, now add in your personal style, add in that magic ingredient called YOU.

You’ll deliver a presentation that conforms to no other ever given.  You’ll deliver a presentation they’ll be talking about.  It will be powerful, in control, truly magical, and most importantly, most definitely it will be uniquely YOURS.

Mojo is you.

Be the cause!

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ALL thinking kills your executive presence

Ethan is 28 years old and works with billionaires.

He presents to SVP’s of Fortune 500 organizations and helps broker deals worth millions and even billions of dollars. Last week I spent a couple of days coaching him on his executive presence.

One of Ethan’s biggest problems was non-stop thinking.

Most people believe that thinking is good.

People in large corporations do way too much of it.  

During coaching they often tell me, “I know I’m overthinking this.”

I find that ALL thinking is overthinking.

Power is in observing, knowing, deciding and acting.

These happen fast.

And then you start to think about them.  Not only does that slow everything down, it completely obstructs your ability to be causative.

Ethan was so “in his head”, that as you were talking, he was simultaneously busily churning over what you were saying in his mind.  It gave him a terribly worried look.

And as he was talking, he was carefully considering every point he was making. That made eye contact difficult.  It made him look unsure of what he was saying.  It killed his ability to communicate with real intention.

Because of his job, everything Ethan does is high stakes. This gave him a constant sense of anxiety. This made him think more and more.

He was afraid to stop thinking and to just LOOK.  He was afraid it would make him stupid. Words would fail him, he wouldn’t know how to respond, he would look inexperienced.

He was afraid to just KNOW. He invalidated his ability to know because of his age.  Actually, people that age often know more truth than people twice their age.  They haven’t yet been taught how to compromise on what they see in front of them, to distort their vision to what others say they should see, or to lie to themselves.

He was also afraid to DECIDE.  The word decision comes from the Latin de which means off and caedere which means to cut.  When you decide, you cut off every other option, only one way forward. 

And he was terrified to ACT.

He replaced all these with thinking.  But the only thing that thinking accomplished was to take him around in circles.  Into more thinking.

At the beginning of Causative Communication you do two exercises designed to get you out of your head. These very unique exercises get you to operate completely in the moment and to LOOK, to aim all your attention outward, to keenly observe the person in front of you, to SEE.

The noise in your head is gone.  You are comfortable and full of well-being. Time seems to slow down.  You are in control.

This is the very foundation of presence. And superior communication.  

It’s also vital for forming a full connection with another person. You’ll never do it in your head.

Ethan developed a powerful presence. His age no longer mattered. He forgot about it and you forget about it too.

He also developed the ability to fully connect while he is talking with someone, anyone.  This is the foundation of a powerful relationship.

This is what Ethan told me after he took his new skills for a test drive in the real world:

My experience of people is so much better. It’s a complete shift in how I am.  It’s not only working in my negotiations, it snowballs into more and more parts of your life.

If you’re communicating effectively this is what it looks like.  If you want gravitas, this is what it looks like. I will never, ever forget what I look like in those two videos [his “before” and “after” videos], the one where I was thinking and the other where I was being, looking and connecting.”

This is presence.

This is one of many things we teach.  We taught Ethan and we can teach you.

The same applies when you are talking to a group or giving a presentation.  This is where thinking and being in your head can easily go into hyper drive and destroy your impact. 

In our Transformative Presentation Skills you learn how to stop all that and fully be in the moment. 

You gain a presence so strong, so true, so compelling, that your audience is forever changed by the connection they feel to the REAL YOU.

Give it a try yourself. The ability to do it is native within you. It’s one of your greatest abilities.  You develop it by using it.  Feel free to let me know what happens.  And let me know if you’d like any help with it.

Be the cause!

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The magic of moving beyond effective communication

Someone I highly respect asked me last week what I stand for.  I realized it was an exceedingly good question and something I had never written about before.

I stand for something you don’t hear talked about in large corporations.

Yet it’s actually what makes me valuable to the people I serve.

I stand for beautiful communication.  In large corporations, where I mostly work, professionals and executives are always talking to me about being effective, compelling, inspiring.  Mostly about being effective.

The truth is that I find being effective rather easy and quite boring.  Someone I coach struggles to get promoted.  Then, after coaching, communicates effectively and makes it from Senior Director to VP.  Personally, I don’t find that very interesting.

That’s the reason why, when I’m coaching someone, I won’t stop after helping them be effective.  Being effective is a level they do need to hit, but I don’t stop there.  And it turns out they are always happy I don’t.

Let me give you an example. This past week I was coaching a woman who is responsible for billions of dollars for her organization.  Brilliant woman.  She’s new to the role and struggles with the leadership team she’s a part of.  I’m reluctant to mention that it’s a male-dominated team because the fact they’re men is not really the issue.  Her communication skills are.  But you get the picture.

I coached her until she was effective in getting her point across and persuading.  She was quite happy.

But I continued to coach her until her communication reached a level where it became beautiful.  When she communicates at this level, she takes your breath away. Yes, she’s effective.  But she is also extraordinarily beautiful, graceful and elegant.  Not just physically, but in her presence.

Her very being, and in the incredible quality of her communication is a demonstration of beauty.

I coached another executive on giving presentations to difficult audiences.  He went from being overly defensive and somewhat forceful to being effective.   It was good.

But I didn’t stop there. I continued to coach him until he tapped into something inside him that made his communication extraordinary. It’s funny to use the word beautiful when you’re describing a man, but his communication was beautiful in the way that Martin Luther King‘s I have a dream speech was beautiful.

It wasn’t the words that became beautiful.  It was his arresting connection with the audience and HOW the words were spoken.

And, yes, he became handsome.

To me causative communication is about a whole lot more than just being effective. 

Inside each person resides an ability to communicate at a level that is WAY beyond effective.  

Yes, being effective is a milestone.  But for me it’s not an end goal.  It’s not enough.  I coach until the natural artistry and aesthetic within each person emerges.

Their communication becomes spontaneous.  They’re not thinking about it.  It’s just coming out of them. It’s pure.  They’re in a zone where they can’t help but be amazing. 

They’re now capable of creating an extraordinary relationship, whether it’s with one person or 10,000.

If a person is willing to do the work, that level of aesthetic is always there to be found.

Beautiful communication is inspiring.  It is compelling.  It is persuasive.  It creates extraordinary leadership.

So here’s the message:

Everything you want is a byproduct of the ability to communicate beautifully.  

If you want to persuade, create an effective team, get promoted, lead, inspire, give a great presentation, get a raise, negotiate a good deal, transform your organization or get your  teenager to talk to you…

They’re all byproducts of extraordinary and extraordinarily beautiful communication.

It creates the kind of conversation or presentation where you say, “Wow! That was beautiful!”

If this is the type of communication that you want to experience, then you are in the right place to discover how to do it. 

This is what I stand for:  serving as a guide for you to transform your communication into something extraordinarily beautiful.

Be the cause!

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