Amy was one of the most soft-spoken people you’d ever meet. And no one listened to her. They ignored and interrupted her, talked over her, and told her what to do.
She needed to have Martin assigned to her project to help her, and they insisted on giving her Enzo. She was trying to explain that Enzo didn’t have the skills that Martin did, and they told her, “see what you can do to make it work.”
Amy came to Causative Communication thinking she had to learn to “be more forceful”, but that made her feel defeated because it was so far from who she really is, and it wasn’t who she wanted to be. It meant sacrificing too important a part of herself.
I loved her immediately.
The problem wasn’t that Amy was soft-spoken. The problem was that she had absolutely no intention when she communicated.
She was confusing intention with being forceful, being louder, trying harder, and even being demanding.
People mix these up all the time. And then find out the hard way that none of them work.
Intention isn’t what you’re doing.
Intention exists as an idea, not as an energy. Intention is the idea that you’re going to accomplish something, and when it comes to communication, it’s the idea that you are going to create understanding PLUS the certainty that you will fully accomplish that.
It’s not “I hope” to accomplish it, nor “I want” to accomplish it, it’s not “I’m demanding it”, it’s not “I insist on this”, and it’s not “I’m going to make you do it”.
It’s simply the unwavering, firm certainty that you ARE relatively effortlessly going to be fully understood, with the expectancy of success. It’s freedom from doubt about it.
Amy was soft-spoken. But years of not being understood made her doubt whether they would ever understand, and even to anticipate the worst in these difficult conversations.
As she practiced intention, Amy became free of doubt, she became confident and certain. She saw that she could intend for them to understand, and if her intention was strong enough, they WOULD and DID understand.
She learned she was in control and how to control it.
Over the course of three days Amy became a Jedi with intention. Her communication now was hitting the mark every single time. It landed, fully registered, and created a BIG burst of real understanding in the person listening to her, and she could do this no matter what the topic was.
The beautiful thing about how she did it is that she still uses a very light touch. In other words, there was absolutely no change in how soft-spoken Amy is.
When she looks into your eyes, her full focus on you, and with great warmth and affinity, and in her extremely soft-spoken way, and explains in very simple terms but with great intention, truly in the softest possible way, with the lightest touch, why she absolutely needs Martin, it lands so softly, so gently, so nicely, so lovely.
The instant reaction is, “Oh, I see! You really NEED Martin! I get it! And Enzo has the WRONG set of skills. Wow! I really get that. I can see why that won’t work.”
There is no doubt in your mind that there is absolutely no choice but to give her Martin and to do it right this minute.
That’s the power of real understanding. They get it. And when they really get it, they act on it.
Amy is now an extremely soft-spoken powerhouse. So gentle and lovely, you simply love listening to her. You’ll be smiling the whole time. And when I say “you”, I literally mean anyone in the world will respond to Amy this way.
The very best thing, is that Amy is able to be even MORE herself. The success after success she experienced communicating with real intention has allowed her to become more and more and more of her true gentle, lovely self. She reaches you powerfully with a confident loveliness.
Very few people realize that the lightest touch is the most effective, that the combination of powerful intention plus a light touch is irresistible. But the lightest touch will only work when paired with real intention.
Everyone I’ve worked with has been so happy when they discovered they don’t have to be as heavy or forceful as they thought they needed to be, that they can use a much lighter touch. Maybe not as light as Amy’s, but a lightness that feels extremely comfortable to them.
Being forceful is unnecessary. Being causative means being able to succeed by being who you really are.
Be the cause!