Ashley was one of the more soft-spoken people you’ll ever meet. Few people listened to her. Most ignored and interrupted her, talked over her, and told her what to do.
She was working on an intense project and badly needed to have Rudresh assigned to help her … her boss insisted on giving her Larry. She was trying to explain to him that Larry didn’t have the skills she needed but that Rudresh did, and he told her, “See what you can do to make it work.”
Ashley came to Causative Communication having decided she had to learn how to “be more forceful”, but this made her feel defeated because it was so far from who she really is, and for sure it wasn’t who she wanted to be. Being forceful was asking her to sacrifice too important a part of herself.
I loved her immediately.
The problem wasn’t that Ashley was soft-spoken or insufficiently forceful. The problem was that she didn’t have the skill of communicating with intention. Not surprising. Few people do.
When people really want something from another person who isn’t cooperating, they often fall into the trap of being forceful, being louder, trying harder, and even demanding.
They find out the hard way that none of these work. Intention is very different.
Intention exists as an idea, not as an energy or effort. Intention is the idea that you’re going to accomplish something. In communication what you want to accomplish is real understanding.
Intention is not “I hope” to accomplish it. It’s not “I want” to accomplish it. It’s not “I’m demanding it”, it’s not “I insist on this”, and it’s not “I’m going to make you do it”.
It’s simply the unwavering, firm decision to be fully understood, with the expectancy of success. You can make this decision and speak very softly. It’s the decision that counts. It’s the certainty and freedom from doubt about it.
Ashley was soft-spoken. But years of not being understood made her doubt whether they would ever understand. She entered these conversations anticipating the worst, which is the antithesis of intention.
As Ashley practiced intention during the training, she became free of any doubt. She became confident and certain. Ashley saw that she could intend for them to understand, and that if her intention was strong enough, they WOULD and DID understand.
She learned she was in control and discovered how to adjust and control her own degree of intention.
Over the course of three days of intensive practice and coaching, Ashley became highly skilled in using her intention. Her communication now hit the mark every single time. Her messages landed, fully registered, creating a BIG burst of real understanding in the person listening to her. Ashley could do this no matter what the subject was or who she was talking to.
The beautiful thing about how Ashley does it is that she still uses a very light touch. In other words, there was absolutely no change in how soft-spoken Ashley is.
When she looks into your eyes with great warmth and affinity, her focus on you, and explains in her uniquely soft-spoken way, in very simple terms but with great intention, why she absolutely needs Rudresh, it lands softly, gently, nicely. But it LANDS.
The immediate reaction is, “Oh, I SEE! You really NEED Rudresh! I get it! And Larry has the WRONG set of skills. Wow! I really get that.”
For the first time, others really HEAR Ashley. And it’s not because she’s talking any louder.
There is no doubt in your mind that there is absolutely no choice but to give her Rudresh and to do it right this minute. This is happening with all her communications.
That’s the power of real understanding. They get it. And when they really get it, they act on it.
Ashley is now an extremely soft-spoken powerhouse. What a combination! So gentle and lovely, you simply enjoy listening to her. You’ll be smiling the whole time. And when I say “you”, I literally mean anyone she talks to now responds to Ashley this way.
Ashley told me the very best thing is that she is able to be even MORE herself. The success after success she experienced communicating with real intention after the training has allowed her to totally RELAX and become even more of her true gentle, lovely self. She reaches others powerfully with a relaxed, confident loveliness.
Very few people realize that the lightest touch is the most effective, that the combination of powerful intention plus a light touch is irresistible. But the lightest touch will only work when paired with real intention.
Everyone I’ve worked with has been so happy when they discovered that being forceful or using a whole lot of “effort” is unnecessary, that they can use a much lighter touch. Maybe not as light as Ashley’s, but a lightness that feels extremely comfortable to them.
You don’t need to change who you are to achieve success. But you do need to understand and master the power of intention. That’s the secret to creating extraordinary outcomes.
Be the cause!