Virtual is REAL

I woke up this morning to an email from a recent student.  She just got promoted and could not be more excited.  She’s a Millennial.  It’s her first promotion.  She’s flying high.  Another student was promoted to SVP of a major Silicon Valley multinational corporation.  Someone took a screen shot of the joy in her face when she was told the news during a virtual staff meeting and this beautiful photo has been shared a thousand times.

My inbox is full of good news.  Some days I can’t even keep up with it.

I’ve been wanting to create online training for years.  My staff will tell you it’s been on my “goals for the year” for a loooong time.  I never had the time.  We were always so swamped with in-person clients, there wasn’t a moment to sit down and design training for a whole new medium.

And then “now” happened.  When I pulled the staff together and asked them what they thought about the situation, they didn’t even have to think.  They said, “Great opportunity to do what we’ve been wanting to do for years.”

And so we are. 

In the last several weeks we’ve built an online business overnight.  Everyone working overtime.  It’s going better than even we expected.

We’ve been overwhelmed by the client demand for this training.  It turns out we have people all over the country and the world who have been wanting to do our services, but weren’t able to travel or have us come there. 

We’ve trained hundreds of people in the last several weeks, WAY more than we were ever able to do in person, and the wins are pouring into my inbox more than ever.  I was delighted to discover that the amazing wins our clients have always had working with us in person also happen when they work with us virtually.  I can’t tell you how relieved I am!  I was worried the client wins would be less.  Not so!  Whew!

We were able to offer free webinars for several weeks.  But we’re now being asked to do so many sessions for individual corporations, we simply don’t have time to continue them at the moment. 

There’s one exception.  A number of organizations asked me to put something together specifically for engineers.  We have so many of them around us.  So you’ll see a free webinar just for them below (or for you if you are one!).

I’ve learned so much in the last several weeks.  Some I already knew, but it really came home to me seeing so many people win in such a short period of time:

When you have the ability to engage any audience or any individual and create a powerful impact when you’re virtual, there’s no one in the world you can’t reach. 

Despite what most people think, the word virtual does NOT mean, “Not there.” It means, “MAKE IT REAL.” The word virtual literally means, “Having the power of being real.” Even though it’s not actual, it is AS POWERFUL as if it were real.

That means your virtual presence should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were in the same room. It means your communication should be as strong, powerful and real as if you were right in front of their face. It means your impact needs to be REAL. That’s what the word “virtual” means.

When you can do that, no one tunes you out. No one multi-tasks. They listen. They get it. They respect you. They’re inspired. They buy-in. And, if you’re really good, they admire you.

That takes some serious skills.  They’re easy to learn. 

When it comes to communicating effectively, even very capable people are operating at less than 10% of their potential.  Bring out the other 90% of yourself.  It’s there waiting for you.  There’s nothing more thrilling.  You’ll fly high.

Don’t listen to feedback that’s not helpful. The only feedback you should listen to is feedback that gets you excited and makes you feel your true power is being released.

Find a good source to work with.  If you didn’t invent Jedi, you’ll need a Jedi Master to help you become Jedi.  You won’t figure Jedi out on your own.  Work with a Jedi Master and you’ll achieve extraordinary results so fast it’s exhilarating.

We’ve had many organizations have their folks do live group online training together.  It’s crazy awesome fun.  I’ve never seen groups have such a good time!  Learn new skills together and support each other and keep the skills alive when the training is over.

Possibly the most important thing I learned is that ALWAYS is a good time to develop your skills.  It’s always a good time.  You are alive and have goals that matter to you today.  Don’t back-burner your happiness.    

You are important to the world.  We need you.  We need to hear your voice.  We need you to win at the game of life.  Whatever way you do it, gain the communication skills you need so life is not directing you, but you are causing it to go the way you know it should.  We will all be happier because of it.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

NOTE:  Please check with your company’s Learning & Development department to see if our programs are in their catalogue.  If they are, that’s the best way for you to sign up.  The free webinar for engineers is not in catalogues yet.

1.       FREE Webinar: Virtual Communication Skills for Engineers

April 28, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

2.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

3.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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7 minutes on the road to mastery

I was blown away by how many hundreds of people attended our webinars in the last several weeks. My email is flooded with success stories and I’m delighted so many people found them valuable.

Every single volunteer I coached made an almost unbelievable improvement. And, remarkably, each one only received an average of seven minutes of coaching from me. 

After learning and practicing several key skills, each volunteer was overwhelmed with genuine admiration from the many others in the webinar, probably more positive feedback from more people in an hour and a half than they’ve gotten in the last two years.

This is why:

• Most people are operating at less than 10% of their potential.  I know they’re capable of much, much more and how to bring it out fast.

• People learn incredibly fast when they’re given good, solid, true principles that work every time. Most of the time they’re stumbling in the dark trying to figure things out, they don’t have a good source that can tell them, and even more important, show them how communication really works and what it takes to make their own communication powerful. They’re missing data. Once they know, the change is immediate and they start winning.

• People have blind spots.  They don’t know what they’re doing wrong.  They don’t know why what they’re doing isn’t working. They can’t see it.

• People are given terrible feedback. The quality of feedback they’ve gotten is awful. It’s not helpful. When they’re given powerfully correct feedback in the form of laser-precise accurate coaching tailored precisely to them, they’re capable of dramatic improvement in split seconds.  I very rarely meet anyone who’s had an expert communication coach work directly with them directly.

• They’re not given the opportunity to practice enough times with a coach who very rapidly guides them around their blind spots to true mastery. If they’re given this, they’re capable of extraordinary things so fast it leaves you breathless.

The comments that I got over and over and over again in the past couple of weeks is that no one‘s ever seen coaching like what they saw in these webinars. I believe them.

Even the people who didn’t receive the coaching were blown away by how much they learned.  My chat was LOADED with people telling me how helpful it was.

And I got emails from many participants the next day saying they were applying what they learned and seeing a BIG difference.

I believe so many hundreds of people are signing up for our online services for two reasons:

People really want to get better.  They want to be causative and powerful.  They hate feeling like they’re coming up short.  They want to be the best. 

It’s hard for many of them to come to Emeryville, CA where we’re located, and now that we have the time to offer so many services online, they’re grabbing this opportunity.  My incredible team and I are usually swamped with in-person workshops and clients.  Now people all over the world have easy access to us.

It’s made me realize how much the world needs a path to mastery.

How do you make the journey to become a world-class causative communicator?

1. You have to learn what you don’t know.

2. You have to learn the right way to do it and why it’s right, not just what to do but the principles behind it.  It’s best if someone SHOWS you, both modeling/demonstrating it for you and showing and guiding you to do it yourself.

3. You have to perfect the many skills it takes.

Even step #1 is powerful, as our webinars have been demonstrating.

How fast you achieve true mastery depends on the source of learning you choose.

If you find someone who’s already expert and a great teacher and coach, you’ll learn fast.

If you’re spending a lot of time on Google, YouTube and Ted talks, it will take you a lot longer. 

I believe people are capable of so much more than what they’re currently doing, I don’t want to see them take a long time to discover the power within.

I’m in the process of creating an online path to mastery because I see how badly the world who can’t come to our office wants this.  Based on the results I’ve seen in the last several weeks, what I and my team have built so far is exceedingly powerful.

If you work for a corporation, please check with your Learning & Development department to see if our programs are already in their catalogue as that will be the best way for you to sign up.

We have one more free webinar on Building the Foundation for Causative Communications that I’ll be delivering April 14. Everyone says this webinar is eye-opening and many say it’s life-changing.  It starts you on the path to #1 above:  learning what you don’t know.

If you’re ready to do the work to develop powerful communication skills that less than 10% of the world has, I have an online 6-hour intense skill-building session scheduled for April 15-16. I limit the size of the group so I can personally coach you.  If 7 minutes of coaching can create such dramatic change, imagine your life after 6 hours of intense instruction and coaching. Right now I’m offering it to you with a significant 70% discount. It’s normally $997 but with this promo code it will only be $495 (it’s a special for you during this time).  This summit puts you firmly on the path to #2 and #3 above to perfect the many skills it takes to achieve mastery.

April 23 I have a paid 90-minute webinar on Mastering Virtual Presentation Skills that will enable you to have a very strong presence and be compelling in all your virtual presentations.   

We are also being asked to deliver online training and coaching sessions for corporations and groups and we’re happy to talk to you about scheduling one of those if you would like a session just for your group.

And senior executives and people who are preparing for big presentations have been requesting virtual one-on-one coaching, so we have that also.

There is a path to mastery. I know it because I traveled it myself. I’m like the Sherpa that’s gone up and down the mountain many times and knows how to get you to the top. I personally think that’s where you belong.

Whatever path you choose, I encouraged you to be relentless in your pursuit of your own excellence. It’s there waiting for you to discover it.  And there’s nothing more exhilarating than finding it.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

April 14, 2020

11:00 AM – 12:30 PM PST

Click here for information and to register.

2.      Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations

April 23, 2020

11:00 AM – 1 PM PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.   Causative Communications Skill-Building Summit: 6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 15 – 16, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Link for information and to register

5.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

6.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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Confronting the CHOICE

One of my clients, Sharma, is a lower level manager in a huge organization with over 50,000 employees.  She has only 17 people reporting to her and many levels between her and the top.  She wanted to introduce a completely new company-wide initiative that would impact over 20,000 employees. 

This would have seemed impossible to most people.  The sheer number of people she needed to get on board, and the fact that she needed the SVP many levels above her to sign off on it would have stopped the average person from even trying.  The challenge of just getting everyone’s attention in this crazy busy high-tech organization would have discouraged the average person.

Everything surrounding her said, “No way.”

Being causative means making what you want happen.  It means being able to cause the outcome you want at will. 

When you are causative, it doesn’t matter what the environment around you is doing, you are the source and the cause of what happens.  You are able to cause what you want.

The environment could be your boss, co-workers, your family, or the pandemic. It’s anything outside of yourself. When you are causative, you can stay causative no matter what is happening.

Instead of relying on the environment, you’re able to rely on yourself to make what you want come true.

The catch is that it takes skills to be able to accomplish this. Not just knowledge… SKILLS.

The difference between knowledge and skills is that knowledge is in your head, skills are what you are able to DO. This varies greatly from person to person.

You could have knowledge in your head and know what you’re supposed to do.  For example, you know you’re supposed to speak up, or you know you’re supposed to give a great presentation, or have confidence, or you know you’re supposed to get them to buy-in, give you budget or a promotion, to cooperate or do what you’re asking.

Skills are when you can actually do it.

Highly skilled is when you do it extremely well, even in adverse conditions (like if the other person isn’t listening, they strongly disagree, they’re not interested or they’re way higher than you in the organization).

Mastery is when you can do it even when most people can’t, and you can do it in a big way others really notice and admire.

You can never look to other people to see how much ability you should demonstrate. To determine where you want to be on this spectrum, you have to look inside yourself to find the truth of the level of Jedi, Samurai, skill you want to possess.

What happens to many people, unfortunately, (but hopefully not to you), is that they shrink the outcomes they want, and the outcomes they go for, to fit the skill level they have.  They don’t possess the skills to make something really awesome happen, so they stop dreaming big. 

They start to have goals that sound like, “I just want to survive this year”.  Sometimes it’s, “I just want to survive this month.”  It becomes, “I just want to deal with what’s right in front of me right now.”

As your dreams get smaller and smaller, so do you.  And no one I know really likes being small. 

It may seem “safe”, but it isn’t.  The smaller you are, the more the world can eat you up.  And it will.

The reason I teach communication skills is because I believe (and I see every day with my clients) that, while you can do many things extremely well, these are the skills that matter the most in life.  These are the skills that shape your life.  These are the skills that define who you are, what you do, what you have.

These are the skills that shape your self-confidence, your self-esteem, your self-respect, your self-pride.

These are the skills the shape your relationship with the world around you.

These are the skills that define your life.

This is what I’ve learned over and over in working with tens of thousands of clients:

You CHOOSE the level you want to be at.

And then you take action to make it so.

That’s the responsibility each of us has. To choose.  To develop the skill to act.  When we have the skill, nothing stops us from acting.  It’s only lack of skill that stops us.

The fact is, there is no limit to how good you can get with your communication.  And the better you get, the more causative you are and the more you can make what you want happen, and that enables you to dream bigger and bigger dreams and make them happen.

Sharma just emailed that she is getting unprecedented interest and support for her initiative and that a pilot is currently in progress with everyone enthusiastically predicting it will be rolled out company-wide.  She’s doing the happy dance in her home office.

She also said that:

“Without my learning how to communicate causatively, none of this would have happened.”

I believe her.  I know how hard it is to get people to listen.  Especially now.

And speaking of now, whichever way you do it, now is the perfect time for you to work on your own personal-development and increase your skill level to the level you WANT to be.

Don’t shrink your dreams to match your skills.  Increase your skills to match your dreams.

We created the free virtual offerings below to teach you what you need to know to improve your communication.

We created the upcoming Skill Building Summits to transform your knowledge of WHAT to do into real SKILLS.  These Summits are normally $997, but to help you build powerful skills during this time, I’m giving you a Promo Code that will reduce the price for you to $297.  The Promo Code expires after these Summits.  Please use this Promo Code when you register:  m6k5sh

Our Skill Building Summits are also available as Live Group Webinars for Teams and Corporations to bring out their true power.

You can have One-on-One Virtual Coaching if you choose to achieve mastery.

Choose the option that matches the level at which you want to operate.

There’s nothing you can’t create, there’s nothing you can’t cause.

It’s an ideal time to become more of your best self.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.  Virtual Presentations Skill-Building Summit:  6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 8 – 9, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Click here for information and to register.

2.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

April 14, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

3.      FREE Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations

April 7, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.   Causative Communications Skill-Building Summit: 6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 2 days

April 15 – 16, 2020

9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PST each day

Link for information and to register

5.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

6.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

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How to “predict” your own future in challenging times

I received an email you might consider highly unusual for this week.  It said:

“I feel with this pandemic situation my life will change for the better.”

I’ve been receiving numerous communications with this theme.  My job is to help people be causative in a world that isn’t.  It’s working.  Let me tell you what’s making this person feel good.

Whatever you put your attention on, whatever you pour your energy into, will create your present reality as well as your future.

99% of the world doesn’t realize it yet.

When you were a little kid, you were very clear about where you wanted to put your attention.  Your attention was free.  You daydreamed.  You imagined. 

From the time you went to school, the world has been trying to direct your attention.

You had to sit in one spot and fixate your attention on the person in the front of the room.  For hours.  Whether they were a good teacher, whether they were even interesting, or not.  Whether you wanted to or not.  You were little.  It wasn’t up to you.

If your attention strayed, you were reprimanded, punished, labeled.  You were rewarded for paying attention to one source only - the person in front. This person had “authority”.  You did not.

This is not about obeying authority.  I think authority is good, when it’s deserved.

What this is about is what happens to many people.  And that is not listening to the truest authority of all – that authority inside yourself.

Fixating attention on one person, whether they deserved your attention or not, signaled the end of daydreaming, the end of imagination, the end of being the source of your own creative realities and even your decision power. And for many, the end of being truly causative, being as powerful as you really are.

It became a, “I’m waiting to see what authority tells me to do next.”

When the world goes into a frenzy, this fixation of attention can happen again.

It’s fine to grant authority to others.  But to be causative, you need to do it while still preserving the finest authority for you – which is yourself.

You should be aware of the reality of the world around you, but you should stay in control of your own perceptions, in command of where you put your attention, your dreams and your own reality.  And most importantly, instead of just copying and agreeing with the reality around you (especially if it’s crazy), focus on creating the reality and future you want.

The more your attention goes on the positive, the more positive your reality will be. The more energy you pour into creating a beautiful future, the more future you will have.

You can predict your own future. Because you create it.  And seeing a beautiful future ahead for you makes you feel good.

So how do you create this?

By focusing on your own personal development.  Nothing beats feeling powerful.  You get there by developing knowledge and skills that enable you to be so positive in your thinking, so causative, so able to communicate well and make everyone around you feel good, so competent in handling anything life can throw at you, that you no longer worry about it, you just handle it and create the present and future reality you want.  For yourself and for others too.

I look at my own abilities and those of the people I and my team are helping today. The world can shake, scream and yell, thunder can roll, our abilities stand up in a hurricane. Why? Because we’ve invested so much energy in developing them. We’ve done the work. And continue to do it.

It pays off.  Our clients achieve spectacular outcomes in a world that has yet to see that such success can be totally under your control.

The rest of the email I received went on to say:

“The pandemic has created a higher necessity level that I have to rise up to.  So, I’ve been dedicating serious time every day to my own self-development.  As I do, I clearly see what motivates me the most and I’m shifting the focus of my career to be able to do more of that.  Other activities don’t give me as much passion and interest like that. And the more I learn new skills (like I’m doing quite intensively now) the more I get passionate about it.  I’m gaining such excellent knowledge!”

I love working with people in person. I’m one of those people that likes to hug people after we’ve gotten to know each other (often after one day of training).

But I’ve learned these past two weeks that I’m just as able to help people virtually. The incredibly wonderful online technology that we have today is enabling me and my team to sail through this storm and help even more people than before.  It’s really opened our eyes to all the possibilities.  We’re helping a lot of people.  And that feels good.

To respond to all the people who want our help and can’t show up in person, I have developed a menu of online training and coaching (and more is coming), each of which will enable you to be causative in a world that isn’t.

There are a series of free webinars you can take advantage of too.  Info is below.

What happens today is up to you. And so is tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow.

Maybe when you were little it wasn’t up to you.  But it’s up to you now.

Being causative means you’re not just waiting around for it to show up. You’re actually creating what shows up.

It all hinges on what you put your attention on and what you pour energy into. 

Whichever way you can, pour energy right now into increasing your skills, your power, and your morale will be super high today, and your future will be more beautiful than you’ve ever dreamed.  Please see below for ways we can help you.

Be the cause!

Upcoming Online Services

1.  Virtual Presentations Skill-Building Summit:  6 hours intensive skill building over the course of 3 days (Registration closed - Click on the link below and put your name on the waitlist to be notified of the next one)

March 24 – 26

11:00 – 1:00 PST each day

Click here for information and to register.

2.      FREE Webinar:  Building a Foundation for Causative Communications

March 31, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

3.      FREE Webinar:  Mastering Virtual Presentations (This session is full – Click on the link below and put your name on the waitlist to be notified of the next one)

April 1, 2020

11:00 – 12:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

4.      FREE Webinar:  For Graduates of Effective Communications and Causative Communication and one-on-one Coaching

April 2, 2020

10:00 – 11:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

5.      FREE Webinar:  For Graduates of Advanced Presentation Skills and Transformative Presentation Skills and one-on-one Coaching

April 2, 2020

12:00 – 1:30 PST

Click here for information and to register.

6.      Live Group Webinars for Teams or Employees to Keep Morale High

Click here for information and to schedule.

7.      One-on-one Virtual Coaching to Build Life-Changing Skills

Click here for information and to schedule.

Upcoming Open Enrollment In-Person Workshops

Causative Communication Live!

• April 29 – May 1, 2020

Click here for Information. Click here to register.

Transformative Presentation Skills

• April 23 - 24, 2020

Click here for Information. Click here to register.

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How Jesse blew away the Founder, CEO and CMO in a single presentation

Jesse, one of our clients, just sent me a video of his virtual presentation to VIP customers and senior execs after his coaching.  It was SOOOO good, it blew me away.  (Not just me, but his CEO and everyone else in the meeting.)

I was swept off my feet by how calm he is.  

Jesse is dynamic and charismatic … and calm.  It’s a powerful mix.  The one adjective NEVER used to describe successful professionals in corporate America is CALM.  And yet, that is the #1 barometer of real confidence. 

He is looking right into the camera, his presence is STRONG and it feels like he’s talking right to you. He also makes you feel you’re the only person he’s talking to, and that really gets your attention.

He takes his sweet time and makes sure that the quality of his communication is extraordinary.  He’s not trying to cram a whole lot of words into a short period of time (which always makes you look frantic).

His slides are in the background enhancing his presentation, but making a personal connection with you is his main focus.

Jesse has several key messages and takes his time getting them across, so you not only GET them, you’re impressed by them and you remember them.

The outstanding characteristics of his presentation are his comfort and clarity.  He is completely comfortable and his presence is nice and strong.  His pace is spot-on, he is extremely clear, and his slides now enhance that clarity.

And his great affinity and warmth for the people he’s talking to is evident in his tone, in all of his body language, facial expression and, especially, in his eyes.

All of Jesse’s effectiveness is entirely due to the fabulous connection he’s making by talking so directly to his audience, to you, via the camera.  That is what is underlying all this other goodness.

It’s a rare kind of presentation.  It’s personal.  It’s real.  It has personality.  It creates rapport.  It’s inspiring.  You believe him.  You want him in your life.

Jesse is normally very hard on himself.  That’s all gone.  This is what he emailed:

“My presentation was outstanding, even though it was virtual! It was one of my best presentations that I have ever made and I felt in the zone. As soon as it kicked off, I just felt comfortable and was able to flow with it. Your coaching prior to the session was career changing, literally. The CEO immediately sent me a note congratulating me and the head of Marketing sent a note to the execs in the company saying I “killed it!”... the Board member who founded the company also recognized what I did.”

Jesse ended his email by writing he feels like there’s still a lot for him to learn.

He’s right.  There is.

But it's the difference between positive and negative gain.  Negative gain is when the presenter is doing a lot of things that are negative.  They detract from making a powerful impact.  For example, experiencing anxiety, self-doubt, saying, “Uhm …”, being unable to connect with the audience, losing the audience’s interest, talking too fast, etc.

Jesse’s not doing that.  He’s lost all the negatives and entered a new rank of presenters.

Positive gain is when you reach a new dimension of extraordinary communication and continue to build on the positives.  You keep going higher and higher.  This is where your communication becomes good enough for you to become a great world leader (or whatever your highest goal is). 

You too can operate in this high class of presenters.  As you achieve higher levels of ‘outstanding’ with your communication skills, your abilities develop into powers and you begin to feel you’re operating at your true potential.  You’ve left the negatives behind.  A worthy and exhilarating goal.

Helping others achieve this is our mission.  It’s what we do here. So, consider this your direct invitation to join us in the upcoming Virtual Presentation Skill-Building Summit.  I’ll open enrollment for this session on Friday, March 13, 2020.  Feel free to contact us if you want me to put you on the list to pre-register.

Be the cause!

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The incredible power of acknowledgements

I live on the West Coast. My sister lives on the East in Philadelphia. Every year we take turns visiting for Christmas. This year it’s my turn to go to Philadelphia.  I’m keen to see my family there.

I was on the phone with her over the weekend planning the details. In the middle of our conversation she got into an argument with her 19-year-old son, Gabriel. I could hear all of it.

It was a heated, passionate argument, but there was something about it that blew me away.

What blew me away was that I could hear love in both their voices as they argued.  And they were soon laughing.  And as the argument went on, they were laughing more and more.

It was very easy to see the reason for that. Even though they were arguing, and they were actually pretty mad at each other, they acknowledged each other.

They were completely disagreeing, but they were actually listening to each other and they would say things like, “I understand…”  and, “Yeah, I get what you’re saying …”  before they said what they thought.

It all happened super-fast.  The acknowledgments were quick, just like the responses were.  It happened at the speed of most arguments. But I could see that with every acknowledgment, there was a burst of love and laughter from the one being acknowledged.

The argument took less than five minutes to resolve and ended on a high note.  It was actually really fun to listen to.  I enjoyed it.

I told my sister about the power of acknowledgments years ago. She’s been doing it ever since. And Gabriel has learned to always acknowledge what she says before he responds.  Even when they’re really mad.

They have a normal amount of arguments, but they’re over so fast and they’re warm and affectionate and loving.

My sister even says the dreaded word “but” (which you’re never supposed to say after an acknowledgement), like, “I understand but …” And it still works!

It made me realize that you really CAN listen to and acknowledge another person, even in the heat of an argument. Most people think you can’t or that it’s difficult.  Not true.

You just have to DECIDE to do it.

It also made me realize that it doesn’t have to be a heavy or serious thing. It can happen fast and be light, and even happen at the speed of light.

For me the most important thing about these holidays and this season is the deep love, that I get to give and receive in abundance. To me that love is sacred.

I love knowing that there’s a way to protect and preserve it, even in a heated, passionate family like mine.

You don’t have to wait for an argument to acknowledge others.  Good acknowledgements will make even the best relationship soar.  And they belong in every conversation.

May you be filled with all that makes your soul sing during the holidays!  Wishing you a joyous time with your good friends and family.

Be the cause!

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Shifting out of automatic

John is charming and lovable. But when you put him in front of a prospect, all that drains away and he turns into a “sales guy”. The second he starts talking, it’s like you pushed “play” and he shifts into automatic.

Joan’s affinity automatically drops from warm to hard and cold if you say something she doesn’t like.

Jeff automatically becomes stiff and “corporate” in any conversation where he feels he’s on stage or senses there might be push back.

None of them knew they were doing this until they saw themselves on video during the Causative Communication Workshop.

The problem with shifting into “automatic” is that YOU are not there. It’s like something else has taken over and is talking for you. That something else is a machine, it’s not you.

That machine has no alternative but to do exactly what it’s programmed to do.

You, on the other hand, are the most creative, inventive and intelligent force in your life.

You don’t need to see yourself on video to start becoming aware of times when you shift into automatic. It happens to everyone, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself doing it.

Shifting out of automatic and into spontaneous action is liberating.  It restores your power. And it’s the only way for you to be causative.

I wish you could have seen the final videos from John, Joan and Jeff. You’d be blown away. You’d be instantly attracted to them. What they say in those videos is compelling, in an authentic, deeply heartfelt way that draws you into their world.

You are the most causative agent in your life. When you notice yourself shifting into automatic, make sure you bring the real YOU back as quickly as possible.

Be the cause!

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How to sabotage your own promotion

Chris, a highly successful and well-loved Director with solid business results, was a great guy with a lot of bottled up frustration.  He rightly felt he was due for a promotion to VP, but it wasn’t happening.  He saw other Directors around him getting promoted which added to his dismay.

During a one-on-one with his boss, Chris let him know he would like to be promoted to VP. He said: “I think I’ve been doing a really good job for a long time as Director and I’m ready for the next step which would be a VP role.”

The boss agreed Chris had been doing stellar work and could at some point be promoted to VP. But the timing wasn’t right, the organization was going through another re-org, they should let the dust settle before initiating anything, etc., etc., etc.  

That particular re-org led to another, and to another and it was eight months later that Chris asked his boss again when the timing would be right. The boss said he, “hoped it would be soon but not right now.”

Chris was now looking outside the organization because he didn’t feel there were opportunities internally.  He was pretty unhappy being stuck in a role he had mastered with a boss he felt didn’t support his career development.

But Chris’s boss wasn’t the one stopping the promotion, Chris was.

The funny thing is that no one actually TOLD Chris to stop communicating.  He had been told to stop so many times in the past, that now he stopped himself.  He didn’t need to be told.

Chris was suffering from too much obedience.

Obeying this self-imposed injunction severely restricted his boss’s ability to understand what was really happening with Chris.  If your viewpoint is not understood, the chances of the other person doing what you want are severely limited.

Unfortunately, Chris is not alone.  People in large corporations obey unwritten laws about what they can say, how much to say and to whom.

They shut down too fast.

This communication obedience training starts way back in school.  I never did well with it. We were threatened with trouble if we talked to other students or voiced our opinions to teachers.  I always talked to other students and let teachers know what I was thinking.  Teachers tried to make me stop, but they didn’t get anywhere with me.  

The problem with obedience is it takes away your freedom.  And when you give away your freedom, you give away your choices.

I taught Chris how to speak up to his boss about his promotion to VP.  Not in a disobedient fashion, but politely, in a way that would be interesting and valuable to his boss.  Initially Chris had a million reasons why he shouldn’t bring up the subject again, but once he learned how, he did it with confidence.

In the next one-on-one with his boss, Chris spoke up and filled the vacuum of missing information the boss had about why and how much Chris deserved the promotion, what it meant to him and how it would benefit the organization.  The boss was leaning forward in his chair the whole time.  His reaction was, “Wow! We should really get on this! I don’t think we should wait any longer. We need to get that promotion now.”

Chris spoke up to several more key individuals and suddenly he had team of champions doing the work of getting him promoted.

And now he’s enjoying his VP role.

Your career is never up to “them”.  It is always and only up to you.

Never allow someone else to stop you from communicating.  You need to speak up to be understood.  The question is never whether or not to speak up, the question is how to do it so you are truly heard.

Where have you stopped your own forward progress? Are you ready to do something about it?

Be the cause!

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Prisoners of the script

I loved Amelia the moment I met her…

She is a beautiful young woman who was recently promoted to regional manager over a large territory with many people and tremendous responsibility. She is warm, genuine and effervescent in her one-on-one conversations and very well loved within the organization.

Amelia came to the Transformative Presentation Skills workshop because she wanted to learn how to communicate effectively to larger groups now that she has to address a bigger audience.

Her presentation slides were artistically well designed. Her presentation had an excellent key message and was very well organized, systematic and logical.

It was also very corporate, especially in how she delivered it.  Amelia came across scripted, professional and well-rehearsed, but drained of personality. I observed the audience. They were polite but disengaged.

To handle how nervous she was talking in front of people, Amelia had rehearsed and rehearsed before the workshop so her mind would not go blank when she stood in front of them.

Her slides provided her with a script she felt she couldn’t deviate from. Her slides, even though a beautiful work of art, along with her script and over-rehearsing, were totally getting in her way.

I coached her on being in the moment and letting go of her script. At first she was petrified. She was terrified of being up there and not knowing what to say.

In reality, if you want to be really good, “in the moment” is the ONLY way to be. When you are in the moment, you don’t know what you’re going to say next.  You’re not supposed to.  You’re in THIS moment, not the next one. 

To focus on what you’re saying NOW, you must be willing to not know what you’re going to say next.  You have to trust it will come to you.  And, if you are fully connected with the audience, it will.

It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about financial numbers, an engineering design, a quarterly update or giving a sales presentation. If you want to be considered a great presenter, you have to create an emotional impact on the audience. The more powerful your emotional impact, the more effective you will be.

The truth is, you can’t do that with a script.  It has to come straight out of you and be inspired directly from the connection you are making with the audience in that exact moment in time.

You simply cannot plan it.  Or rehearse it.

As you create an emotional impact, the audience will change in front of you and you need to be sufficiently in the moment to respond to that change and then take them even higher.

I helped Amelia to be free of tension and anxiety so she would feel comfortable letting go of her script. Then she was able to fully face the audience, connect with each of them and observe them individually as she spoke.

She wasn’t thinking about the past, she wasn’t thinking about the future, she wasn’t even thinking about where she was going. She was simply 100% in the moment, fully with the people in front of her, creating the message as if it was the very first time and crafting it brilliantly. The audience was moved to tears as I saw many of them dabbing at their eyes.

Amelia revealed the brilliance hiding within her by letting go of the script.

Once you are able to do that for yourself, you’ll discover just how much the world is waiting to hear what you have to share…

Be the cause!

Ingrid

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Giving presence for Thanksgiving

Last week I delivered a Causative Communication workshop to a small group of wonderful professionals ranging from a reliability engineer to several senior directors. 

Every single one of them, in their final video, is radiant. There’s no other word for it. They are about to be confronted with a difficult situation.  And they are radiant.

As a matter of fact, even before they’ve said a word, they have won you over.  Any resistance you have, has completely melted away. You are already smiling and completely drawn to them.  You can’t help it. 

Their radiance steers the difficult situation they’re facing solidly on track towards a positive outcome.

It’s an almost overwhelming radiance. You might call it charisma, but charisma is a shabby word compared to this.  What you’re seeing is much more powerful.

Where does this radiance come from?  Two things.

In their first video, the “before” video, they were all thinking. This happens to pretty much everyone, no matter how successful they are.  They’re thinking about what they’re going to say, about the outcome, about how difficult the situation is, lots of things. This thinking introverts their attention.

They’re not really being there, not in the moment, fully present and so therefore, they don’t have presence.  Without presence, there is no radiance.

Secondly, in their first video, they don’t have much affinity for the other person. There’s no reason for them to have any because the other person is being difficult, so they don’t.

However, in their final video, they have stopped thinking. They have graduated to looking and knowing. They are completely in the moment, they are completely there, you feel them totally with you.  Their presence is strong.

Additionally, they are FULL of affinity.  For no reason, except that they are.  Their great affinity makes you smile back before you even have time to think about it.  It supersedes logic.

Radiant means to shine beams of light from a center.

That center is YOU.  The light that shines is directly from you.  

And when you are fully present, with your attention fully extroverted onto the other person, and when you are full of affinity, you are radiant.

You are also beautiful and handsome. We talked about how politically incorrect it was to mention it, but it just is that way.  Their unique personalities were shining and they were beautiful and handsome.

That brings us to our special holiday tomorrow.  In addition to being about fabulous food, Thanksgiving is about love. And connecting with the people we love most.  We choose carefully who we spend Thanksgiving with.  These are the people who really count deepest in our hearts.

You are what they are most thankful for.

A powerful connection is born when you connect directly from you, from your center, from your core. You connect by really being present with the people you’re with and by being full of affinity or even love for them.

Affinity is one of the highest nutrient-rich foods you can ever serve to your soul.  It’s the only substance in the world that if you start giving away in the morning, but the end of the day you have way more than you started with.

As for me, I feel very grateful our paths have crossed - I have been truly enriched by it and am grateful we are part of a community dedicated to making the world a better place with our causative communication.

I’m wishing you a beautiful Thanksgiving full of love!  May this special holiday abundantly fill your soul and emotional heart too.

Be the cause!                                                                                                                                                                  

Ingrid

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