Last week I delivered a workshop to 42 extremely bright design engineers.
I asked for a volunteer and a real life situation so the group could see exactly the change I was teaching. I like to demonstrate everything and everyone loves these demonstrations.
The volunteer came up with a difficult scenario relevant to the group. She was trying to persuade me to try a new design that threatened the status quo and my firmly held beliefs. I was stubbornly yet realistically (exactly the way it happens in real life) not going for it.
She talked and talked. It was tense, uncomfortable, she was unsuccessful.
I coached her and had her do it again. Suddenly she got through to me. With just one sentence. It wasn’t what she said, it wasn’t the words.
It was how she said it.
The senior executive of the group burst out with, “Her whole body language changed!”
It was true. Everything about her body language had changed. Her eyes, the way she looked at me as she was leaning toward me, her hand gestures, her shoulder position, the expression on her face, her whole face, her whole body, everything.
She had real power.
It reminded me of all the times I’ve been asked in my workshops questions about body language, its importance, how to make it effective.
If you start focusing on your hands, whether your eyes arms are crossed, your facial expression, leaning in, your hand gestures, what your feet are doing, any of this, you’ve got way too much attention on all the wrong things.
Body language comes from within.
When everything INSIDE you falls into place, your body language will be perfect.
When you achieve a calm stillness, a presence, complete certainty, total confidence, a feeling of real warmth for the other person, inner strength, positive intention, unhurried poise, pure understanding ... believe me, at that moment, your face is radiant and your body language is powerful.
That's what I coached her on.
It wasn’t that her body language was suddenly effective and therefore so was she. It was the other way around. What was inside her suddenly became powerfully effective and her body language was a reflection of that.
The place to focus is within. That’s where the source of being causative is located. In your heart, in your mind, in that place where you are really you, the best version of you.
Bring that out and get that right, believe me, you will be causative.
And your body language will reflect your power.
Be the cause!