Ethan is 28 years old and works with billionaires.
He presents to SVP’s of Fortune 500 organizations and helps broker deals worth millions and even billions of dollars. Last week I spent a couple of days coaching him on his executive presence.
One of Ethan’s biggest problems was non-stop thinking.
Most people believe that thinking is good.
People in large corporations do way too much of it.
During coaching they often tell me, “I know I’m overthinking this.”
I find that ALL thinking is overthinking.
Power is in observing, knowing, deciding and acting.
These happen fast.
And then you start to think about them. Not only does that slow everything down, it completely obstructs your ability to be causative.
Ethan was so “in his head”, that as you were talking, he was simultaneously busily churning over what you were saying in his mind. It gave him a terribly worried look.
And as he was talking, he was carefully considering every point he was making. That made eye contact difficult. It made him look unsure of what he was saying. It killed his ability to communicate with real intention.
Because of his job, everything Ethan does is high stakes. This gave him a constant sense of anxiety. This made him think more and more.
He was afraid to stop thinking and to just LOOK. He was afraid it would make him stupid. Words would fail him, he wouldn’t know how to respond, he would look inexperienced.
He was afraid to just KNOW. He invalidated his ability to know because of his age. Actually, people that age often know more truth than people twice their age. They haven’t yet been taught how to compromise on what they see in front of them, to distort their vision to what others say they should see, or to lie to themselves.
He was also afraid to DECIDE. The word decision comes from the Latin de which means off and caedere which means to cut. When you decide, you cut off every other option, only one way forward.
And he was terrified to ACT.
He replaced all these with thinking. But the only thing that thinking accomplished was to take him around in circles. Into more thinking.
At the beginning of Causative Communication you do two exercises designed to get you out of your head. These very unique exercises get you to operate completely in the moment and to LOOK, to aim all your attention outward, to keenly observe the person in front of you, to SEE.
The noise in your head is gone. You are comfortable and full of well-being. Time seems to slow down. You are in control.
This is the very foundation of presence. And superior communication.
It’s also vital for forming a full connection with another person. You’ll never do it in your head.
Ethan developed a powerful presence. His age no longer mattered. He forgot about it and you forget about it too.
He also developed the ability to fully connect while he is talking with someone, anyone. This is the foundation of a powerful relationship.
This is what Ethan told me after he took his new skills for a test drive in the real world:
My experience of people is so much better. It’s a complete shift in how I am. It’s not only working in my negotiations, it snowballs into more and more parts of your life.
If you’re communicating effectively this is what it looks like. If you want gravitas, this is what it looks like. I will never, ever forget what I look like in those two videos [his “before” and “after” videos], the one where I was thinking and the other where I was being, looking and connecting.”
This is presence.
This is one of many things we teach. We taught Ethan and we can teach you.
The same applies when you are talking to a group or giving a presentation. This is where thinking and being in your head can easily go into hyper drive and destroy your impact.
In our Transformative Presentation Skills you learn how to stop all that and fully be in the moment.
You gain a presence so strong, so true, so compelling, that your audience is forever changed by the connection they feel to the REAL YOU.
Give it a try yourself. The ability to do it is native within you. It’s one of your greatest abilities. You develop it by using it. Feel free to let me know what happens. And let me know if you’d like any help with it.
Be the cause!